So you’re thinking about climbing a mountain? Maybe you want to challenge yourself, or maybe it’s just something your therapist recommended. Whatever your reasons, there are some things you should consider before strap on those crampons and make your ascent.
Gravity is Not Your Friend
You might think that gravity is a friend. After all, it holds us down and prevents us from drifting off into space like an untethered balloon. But when you’re climbing a mountain, gravity becomes the enemy. It pulls at every step you take and works against every inch of progress towards the summit – which can be thousands upon thousands of feet away.
Heights Can Be Freakin’ Scary
If heights freak you out normally, then why in tarnation would anyone choose to climb the highest peak they can find? It makes no sense! Sure, there’s probably a view at the top – but how much do we really care about views that could potentially kill us? Let’s be real here folks!
Mother Nature Hates Humans (Sometimes)
Mother Nature doesn’t always have our backs…Like seriously what did we ever do to her anyways??? She will throw raging storms one minute then blistering heat waves seconds later just for funzies! And let’s not forget about avalanches! Do YOU know what “avalanche” even means?! Clearly none climbers understand this shiz because they keep doing it!
Storms That Rival The Spiciest Curry
The forecast said clear skies with temperatures ranging from 25° – 35°Celsius during Guy Fawkes Day weekend last year but climbers faced extreme weather conditions once above treeline as snow blizzards struck without warning/temporarily displacing them/the tiny footholds tested their stamina; while others lost their footing in driving rain showers/their visors fogging over/when lightning struck too close for comfort. You might wanna hold off on making those “Summit selfies” plans.
Calling In Sick To Work Is Better Than Arms That Are Stranded
When climbers misjudge the forces that they’re up against, it can result in getting stranded somewhere high up – which is not as fun as it sounds like! No one wants to start gnawing their arms because they didn’t pack enough food or shelter (hopefully you brought friends so this won’t be an issue). Being stuck and waiting for rescue ships while your limbs go numb would bring back memories from before air conditioning was invented.
Physical Pain: It’s Real, Folks
Climbing a mountain requires a lot of strength, endurance and mental stamina. And once you reach the summit? The ego rush will only last so long before intense physical pain pummels us into submission!
Muscle Soreness Made For Gym Junkies
Experiencing muscle soreness during or after climbing could make even avid gym rats pass out due to its intensity. Mountain climbers should prepare themselves with strength training programs beforehand to increase their chances of conquering treacherous terrain along routes such as Everest Base Camp Trail/K2 Summit attempts without collapsing at hands-foot holds midway through scrambling up steep slopes /jagged edges prone to crumbling away beneath weightiness exerted on them.
I’m Not A Doctor But My Hands Turned Blue
Much like how our toes may become frost-nipped when we venture too far north, scaling mountains presents risks of extremities being cold-damaged also. There have been reports among mountain-climbers where mountaineers had experienced permanent circulation loss resulting in amputations sometimes all around feet/hands due to frostbite/snow blindness/anoxia- lack oxygen supply prompted by elevated altitude/tuberculosis from breathing dirty air.
The Animals Might Not Like You
Did you know that some animals just don’t like assiduously sweaty people with backpacks invading their natural habitats? It’s a true fact, y’all.
So You Saw A Cute Mountain Goat & Wanted To Say Hi
While we may plan on hiking in secluded areas to marvel at Instagram-worthy views, encountering creatures such as mountain goats and trusting them too much by getting too close could pose risks of being gored/torn apart/having limbs scattered all over the craggy cliffs.
Bruh Why Did That Marmot Just Take My Boots?
Another resident known for taking climbers’ belongings is the notoriously crafty marmot. We’ve heard reports of these little rodents chewing through ropes/backpacks or gnawing away climber’s essential gear leaving them stranded without any equipment hence a lesson in “never turn your back on cute critters”.
Accidents Happen: They’re Inevitable
Even if you do prepare meticulously for every possible situation that could arise during your climb, accidents can still happen (cue ominous music). These mountaineering misfortunes often require quick thinking and monumental endurance to avoid serious injury/or worse disability (or maybe even loss of life).
Oopsie Daisy I Fell Off The Mountain
Ahem well this one should go without saying but falls off mountains aren’t something one can recover from easily – or ever. One minute you are carefully peaking up towards another foothold then the next sawdust sprinkling across air as everything suddenly goes black/white when gravity drops chins to watch body parts tumble down from dizzy heights toward rock walls below where boulders await…
Like we stated earlier folks, think long and hard before setting out ‘to hail Caesar’. Only an accidental happy camper would blithely skip along wearing shades atop treacherous slopes/staring straight into the sunsets. And even they’re probably sipping from a regrettably weak iced tea wondering “did I really need to do that?” as their limbs burn under fatigue or frostbite.
So ponder everything, twice! Or thrice!! Only undertake this journey if you understand the risks and love yourself enough not to gamble on your well-being (or else be prepared rightly for emergencies). Take appropriate precautions before entering/mapping out routes/training thoroughly/studying weather trends/questioning equipment beforehand so nothing is overlooked when ticking Gear List Box Check-Offs like it’s The Biggest Loser episode up there in some of mother nature’s most treacherous territory seeking what lies beyond.
Hey there, I’m Dane Raynor, and I’m all about sharing fascinating knowledge, news, and hot topics. I’m passionate about learning and have a knack for simplifying complex ideas. Let’s explore together!
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