You’ve probably been in a situation where someone you know, be it a friend, family member or coworker says something that stings. While we usually brush these off as mere annoyances, sometimes the person behind them is more troublesome than just an irritating whiner. Narcissists are known for their tendency to hurt others and they seem to enjoy doing so too. Have you ever wondered why? In this piece, we’ll dive into the psychology behind why narcissists like hurting you.
The Psychology Behind Narcissism
Before delving into why narcissists like hurting people, let’s first talk about what makes them tick. According to psychologists “narcissism” starts at around age five when children make their first attempt to define themselves separate from those around them. It’s not necessarily unhealthy; childhood self-absorption fades away before later interpretations of object relations theory explain how much our relationships with caretakers shape our personalities.
When people think of “narcissistic personality disorder,” many envision overtly arrogant or pushy individuals who monopolize conversations while ignoring other perspectives entirely — but there’s no one-fits-all description for everyone diagnosed with NPD.
That said,people with straightforward definitions surprisingly can identify ingrained obstacles:
- An inability or extreme difficulty empathizing with others
- Fantasies revolving entirely around personal success and fame.
- Near-universal ramifications over even minor criticisms by others
- Extreme sensitivity and defensiveness towards criticism
- A perception the world revolves entirely around him/her rather than any shared resources
What Makes People Attractive To Narcs?
If all those toxic behaviors sound awful (they do, trust me) what makes some romantic partners attractive targets for narcs? Welllll…let’s look beyond mirror selfies taken at various public restroom sinks during brunch dates:
Good source of validation: Giving their fragile ego a boost is a priority for them so they’ll look to people who can guarantee this. Thus, having someone in their lives who thinks highly of them and validates every move made and word said could be appealing.
They like the competition: Narcissists tend to see everything as an opportunity to compete against others, no matter how trivial it may seem. A romantic partner can thus become an opponent up for challenge!
Empathy matters not: As mentioned earlier, narcissists struggle with empathy themselves but those around them may make up for that lack by being “overly” empathetic which ultimately feeds into the narc’s world view (i.e., everyone devotes attention exclusively to him)
The pleasure principle
In the case of sadistic tendencies—getting off on inflicting pain—these types relish negative emotions because they find both physical agony and psychological suffering enjoyable.Sadistic personality disorder exhibits primarily through aggression towards fellow human beings or animals via intentional infliction of harm or watching other people suffer without guilt .
Narcissists therefore gain pleasure from hurting you because it makes them feel better about themselves; basically ,”why should I feel bad when they’re reduced?”
Wanting a friend/partner/etc.to share accomplishing something great together is genuine joy,but narcs are looking for targets upon whom they can blame all ills anytime something doesn’t turn out favorably.Successes belong only under their ownership.The enjoyment continues when feeling either envy(?)or schadenfreude (?)about anyone experiencing failure along with attracting your attention away from compassionate responses living things deserve.
The extreme example would be sociopaths/psychopaths showing little emotion at antics affecting anyone else’s well-being.”Clearly he needed killing” sounds reasonable given certain diagnostic codes,yet nobody desires association where sadism frequent episodes happen.
As we’ve seen so far,NPD is a disorder more complicated than simple vanity but it’s not always easy to recognize. If someone you know or care about checks some of these boxes,you can do your best to help by listening and supporting them however possible means(allowing narc perversion doesn’t work at any sustainable level).It will be useful for the narcissist to hear how their actions may have caused others pain; while this is confrontational,it could benefit in that it highlights problematic behaviors which are damaging relationships.
Above all, if dealing with someone like this, don’t let anyone convince you that “you’re just too sensitive.” No matter what conversational terrain traverse by way of narcissistic discourse,don’t dull those nerves! They’re valuable trait not an annoyance gone unnoticed.
Hey there, I’m Dane Raynor, and I’m all about sharing fascinating knowledge, news, and hot topics. I’m passionate about learning and have a knack for simplifying complex ideas. Let’s explore together!
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