Are you tired of constantly feeling discomfort in your nether regions? Do you spend more time squirming than sitting during important events such as meetings, weddings or funerals? Chances are, you may be suffering from piles (also known as hemorrhoids). But fear not! With a little bit of knowledge and a lot of humor – we can tackle this itch proctalgia fugax!
What Are Piles Anyway?
Piles, Hemorrhoids, the name alone should send shivers down anyone’s spine. Relax. It’s not that bad. Hemorrhoids are nothing but lumps formed due to swollen veins in the lower rectum or anus.
There isn’t anything inherently wrong with having hemorrhoids; they’re just part and parcel of being human since we all have blood vessels right there just like any other part of our body.
Internal Vs External: Which Is Worse?
There are two types of hemorrhoids: internal and external
Internal hemorrhoids aren’t visible unless they bleed, so don’t spend hours craning at yourself trying to spot them in the mirror unless it’s actively bleeding which unfortunately means you’re late for work.
External ones on the other hand can be an uncomfortable sight with their protruding appearance around your anal opening- leading some people to believe it feels like they’ve grown a third eyebase .
In conclusion External hemorrhoid > internal
Top Causes For When S.h.i.t Hits The Fan
Below is a list (queue drum roll) Of five main causes behind painful anal glory;
You know what seems amazing when departing via diarrhea one could easily get that last drop out!!
But when constipated things take a turn where passing stool can feel similar to giving birth minus the cute baby outcome!! This prolonged squatting action can lead to strain having a direct correlation with hemorrhoids.
What’s your excuse lady? Jokes aside, Ladies add this to the list of unwarranted polarizing topics! Yes, being pregnant puts more significant pressure on those vessels down there which results in frequent trips to the doctor’s office.
But don’t worry girls you don’t need flowers or chocolates; we got ya! A soothing warm bath may help ease some pain cause let’s face it candles will do nothing for that :fire: burning sensation down below.
Call it family +1 for future causes– It is believed (though not 100 % proven) genetics plays a role in hemorrhoid susceptibility!! How many relatives do you have(not dogs ) , know that often mention their “H” condition- quite possibly genetically inclined!
Sitting For Long periods
We’ve all heard various health concerns about prolonged sitting – from obesity through weight gain and back issues, but what people don’t realize- Your poor Butt also suffers. This becomes particularly pronounced when one holds nature call(bathroom break)in high esteem – causing piles development unless you’re Robert Smith from The Cure carpe diem peeing!!!
Fair Warning- Any plans of camping out overnight at Target are now canceled!!
That Loving Feeling
Well since COVID has taken over things should be less exciting between two consenting adults,but for future reference Just like Sarah MacLachlan song “In The arms” Piles want comfort too!!! Haven’t blessed anyone with its presence yet-but if plan(knees bent crouched position/hopefully mentally prepared)to engaged sexually cushions under hip And tushy are an empowering tool.
How Do You Diagnose Hemorrhoids ?
Wondering If you too join as part of anal swelling squad? Doctor visit needed …It doesn’t mean friends and family aren’t fully qualified Diagnostician however, if you have any concerns please go to a physician.
Tests Done By Doctor
- Digital Exam
- Bright light + butt = look and see
- Visual Inspection
- No use hiding when being checked out!
Sorry for tricking anyone who sees this and thinks it’s about the 1980s board game by Parker Brothers!
or in our case “a probe with a camera is inserted into the rectum.”
Don’t worry though pals, It’s relatively painless but expect an awkward angle!:camera:
How Do You Treat Hemorrhoids?
The good news: In mild cases, treating doesn’t require medieval measures so don’t shiver already. But they do flare up(pun intended)so we’re here to provide insight on treatments that will help resolve us back to original :peach:. But under unusual circumstances where symptoms persist coupled with prolonged blood loss…let’s leave remedies until later!!
Creams And Ointments
-"Miracle","Improved" cream or ointment are not always what they seem!!
-mind those selling themselves as something new.
Substances such as Hydrocortisone (anti-inflammatory), Zinc Oxide(cooling agent ) etc., often enlisted in order make life easier
Remember!! must follow instructions carefully else too much or too little can worsen the beastie causing intense immeasurable unholy pain!!
Hemorrhoid Warning:If you accidentally apply Icy Hot Or Ben Gay, consider crying now and never looking back!
Ok So fast forward,bathing together is involved regardless whether single or married no need find someone late-night for emotional support however(it helps) just saddle up yourself near bathtub/shower…
On a more serious note..it goes like this; Fill your tub/sink having low shallow water.Add few tablespoons of Epsom salts. Slowly sit in the warm water approx. 15 minutes helps alleviate symptoms along with making you feel like a new person.
Witch hazel-as it turns out- isn’t just for binge-watching “Charmed” or streaming of American Horror Story
Turns out their extracts and ointments can be employed as topical pain relief because who doesn’t want to say they’re using something called “witch hazel” on their bum!
In severe cases, surgery must perform!!Fear not,this is only advised when natural methods have failed unless you love observing internal bleeding-no judgement!
- surgically removing piles/ hemorrhoids.
- Stapled Hemorrhoidopexy
- A ring drops over affected area reducing swelling.
One downside with surgical approaches include recovery time which may leave your stool resembling astronaut food since soft foods are recommended then came going back work while being relieved from constipated moments- so basically a win-win!
There you go folks! You now should possess ways to prevent pesky puckers– (our term). Keep up on hygiene/proper care/treatment if necessary – but most importantly lighten up!!!! Haha…,this shouldn’t become one’s sole entertainment that’d unfortunate.
Hope this article helped informative, remember don,t need shy away; discuss where we all been. Anything worth laughing about eases those crack-up moments 😉
Hey there, I’m Dane Raynor, and I’m all about sharing fascinating knowledge, news, and hot topics. I’m passionate about learning and have a knack for simplifying complex ideas. Let’s explore together!
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