When we take pregnancy test?

Welcome to this humorous guide on when to take a pregnancy test! Deciding exactly when you want to pee on that stick can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. Fear not, we’re here with jokes and expert advice regarding the “when” of pregnancy testing.

The Two-Week Wait

Ah yes, the infamous two-week wait or TWW. This is the period between ovulation and your next menstrual cycle where the fertilized egg may implant into your uterus or get flushed out in Aunt Flo’s weekly purge from your system. It’s like waiting for Christmas morning, but instead of receiving presents, you could end up with a new life depending on whether or not Santa’s sleigh landed safely.

During these long days (or weeks) of anticipation, it seems nearly impossible to resist peeing on a stick for an immediate answer about potential pregnancy. However, tests taken too early may result in false negatives due to low levels of hCG hormone present in urine.

What is hCG Anyway?

We could ‘google’ what Human Chorionic Gonadotropin actually stands for… but who among us has time for that? Ain’t nobody got time fo dat! Simply put – hCG is produced by cells forming around fertilized eggs after they attach themselves to uterine walls. The amount of hCG increases quickly as those cells continue dividing if you indeed are pregnant.

Pro-tip: If money isn’t an issue feel free using multiple tests rather than trying one fancy High Definition plus Ultra Sensitive Clear Blue Digital…there are cheaper options available!

Timing Matters

Timing IS everything when it comes taking prenatal tests – especially with blood work based methods such as Serum Beta HCG Quantitative protein measurements (sound scientific enough?). Blood wait times depend upon clinical lab scheduling but should return results within 24 hours #winning!!

Not wanting some stranger probing around in your lady bits (yes pls, not today thanksss)? Then by all means put on that cloak of invisibility where no schedule restrictions or other people’s judgments can interfere – this is the home test and we recommend sticking with a minimum wait time of fourteen days after intercourse before getting too excited as it takes up to two weeks for hCG levels to hit measurable testing thresholds.

Test Types

Ah yes – shopping for pregnancy tests at the drug store! A potentially embarrassing experience if you have body shy tendencies. The diagnostic technology industry has come a long way from etching instructions and ‘+/-‘ symbols on bulky chemical paper strips!

Nowadays there are many different types of tests available such as digital displays, lines displayed in result windows based off pee-stick saturation zones, midstream sticks…just take your pick! You’re able even to purchase multiple packs unless the thought of having extra boxes filled with pink/blue stick shame gives you anxiety.

Product Name Avg Price Per Box
Rite Aid One Step Pregnancy Tests $15
Clearblue Digital Advanced Pregnancy Test $23

Prices may vary depending upon store location / accessibility

Ovulation is Key

Don’t know when roughly ovulation occurs within each menstrual cycle? No problemo dear reader! There are plenty ovulation predictors aka OPKs out there which will help simplify timing gridlock situations.

Try taking an EMERITA OVULATION DETECTOR KIT for instance. It’s so easy – just slip that plastic strip into your urine stream (be careful not get spray back!!!!) about once per day around halfway through — BAM!! Letting loose those juicy details one strand at a time until Mr.Greedy Spermie has finally got what he wants lool!

Haven’t had enough Vitamin P (p-lyesterone)? The Glow app is a great tool to estimate ovulation window based on all sorts of metrics ask away!🤣

Take Home Message

In conclusion, deciding when to take a pregnancy test must be done with careful consideration so as not to suffer the agony of false negatives or anxiety inducing waiting periods. Waiting can seem unbearable but think about it like this… No result today could mean an even better gift tomorrow!!! 🎉

Good luck peeing with purpose and remember: always practice safe sex by using protection 🍒