Whatus infection?

Have you heard of Whatus infection? No? Well, let me enlighten you. It’s an extremely rare and funny disease that infects only the most unlucky individuals out there. And by unlucky I mean the kind of people who not only walk under ladders but also jaywalk as if they were living in a movie.

But what exactly is this hilariously named condition? Let’s dive into it and laugh our way through all the medical mumbo-jumbo.

What is Whatus Infection?

First things first, Whatus infection doesn’t actually exist in real life (I gotcha!). So don’t go running to your doctor because Google told you so. But let’s pretend for a moment that it does, shall we?

Whatus would be a terrible affliction that messes with your brain cells leading to uncontrollable bouts of laughter at inappropriate times. Imagine cackling like a hyena during a funeral or laughing uncontrollably when your boss tells you he needs to have “a word” with you about your performance (not speaking from experience here…definitely not).

On top of that, patients who suffer from Whatus can expect their voice to sound like Mickey Mouse on steroids and for their hands and feet to randomly turn orange without warning (gotta love those fun side effects).

Symptoms

If we’re keeping up this charade then it would make sense to talk about some symptoms which could possibly indicate someone has contracted Whatus:

  • Uncontrollable fits of laughter
  • Abnormally high-pitched voice
  • Orange discoloration on hands and feet
  • Reduced ability to concentrate
  • You find knock-knock jokes hilarious again.

Of course, none of these are actual symptoms since Whatus isn’t real (let’s just clarify one more time) but hey, it’s fun to imagine, right?

Diagnosis

Again, since Whatus doesn’t actually exist, there are no real diagnostic methods for it. But in our hilarious imaginary scenario, a doctor would look out for the following:

  • Patients who appear to be laughing uncontrollably for no reason
  • A noticeable change in voice pitch
  • Orange discoloration on hands and feet

If all three of these criteria were present then congratulations! You might have completely made up an illness (I’m sorry if I got your hopes up).

Treatment

Now here’s where things get interesting. Since Whatus isn’t actually real (reminder once more) there is no established treatment protocol. However, let’s pretend that we must find a cure before society starts judging us too hard.

First order of business? Medication. Doctors would likely prescribe antidepressants, tranquilizers or even antipsychotics to help control mood swings and reduce episodes of mania (the good stuff).

Patients may also be recommended psychotherapy which could help them talk about why they always found Charlie Chaplin so funny in the first place (sidebar: he was awesome).

Finally, patients can attempt to shield themselves from triggering situations by avoiding stand-up comedy shows and cutting off all contact with their funny friends (tough luck chums).

Causes

Alright folks let me grab my lab coat because this next part gets a little technical (just kidding it totally doesn’t). Unfortunately since again nobody has ever really heard of the condition known as Whatus, there aren’t any known causes either.

But keeping with our playful charade earlier let’s just say that contracting Whatus occurs when somebody does something so silly that the universe punishes them with this strange affliction called laughter-infused madness!

So enjoy life while you still can without fear of weird colorful toe-curls…or not?

Conclusion

Well what did we learn today? Whatus infection isn’t real! That’s right (are you picking up on the theme here?). But we also learned that laughter is contagious and relentless humor can be a cure for almost anything.

So keep laughing my friends, even when life throws lemons at you. And in case an actual Whatus infection ever pops into existence suddenly, remember to stay indoors and stockpile all of those Netflix comedy specials – just in case.

Stay safe folks (from everything but the Whatus; again not real).

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