What treatments exist for cancer?

Pull up your socks, folks! It’s time to delve into the twisted world of cancer treatments. I hope you’re ready for a laugh riot because we’re about to go on one helluva ride!

The Sad Truth About Cancer & Its Treatment

Let’s face it; cancer sucks. There’s nothing funny about this disease that affects millions of people worldwide annually. Although advancements in medical technology have led to some life-saving interventions, there’s still so much work to be done.

Cancer treatment can be harsh and invasive, often causing side effects such as hair loss, nausea, vomiting and bone marrow suppression (1). Despite the gravity of all this gibberish talk on cancer and its various therapies – let’s try our best to lighten the mood and add some cheer through our weird sense of humor.

Chemotherapy: Aka “Chemo,” aka Your Hair Will Fall Out

Oh yes! Starting off with a classic- chemotherapy (2). Also known as “that thing which makes my hair fall out.” It involves using chemicals that interfere with cell division processes in tumors leading them towards apoptosis (it actually means ‘cell death’ but who needs accuracy?)

But not only does chemo attack rapidly dividing cells – like those found in tumours – but it also attacks other fast-growing cells found throughout your body including nails or hair resulting in tremendous hair fall(3) . Say goodbye luscious locks & hello baldness!

Side Effects
Hair Loss
Nausea
Fatigue
Reduced immunity

If having no hair isn’t cutting it for you then perhaps moving onto other options might tickle your fancy?

Surgery: Welcome To Snipperland

Want something quick’n’easy? Why not trip down to snipperland where surgeries are performed -the OG cancer treatments (3)

By cutting out tumors you hope to remove it from the body leaving happy, cancer-free & probably mutant free post-surgery.

But watch out for anesthetic in this surgery – with surgical also come a range of potential risks including blood clots & infections (you don’t need to know how needles work). And just when you thought your adventure at snipperland had ended – be prepared for surgery risks like Hemorrhage or injury due to incision(4)!

Benefits
Might successfully eliminate tumor
Risks
Infections
Need For Anesthesia
Death

Radiation: A Microwave Resurrection

Radiation could be another fun option! Who doesn’t love some good ol’ electromagnetic waves going through their bodies? But since no one actually does radiation therapy as a hobby(proven), let’s check that everyone knows what it is and get back up lelz again.

This method uses high energy X-rays or other types of radiation such as gamma rays, electrons or protons on affected tissues causing cell death- yeah cell death isn’t interesting anymore(5), but wait ’til hear about RF (reminder: Not Refrigerator).

Some side effects may include healthy cells in adjacent areas being struck down along with tumors resulting allergies to food (I know right… why tho?) or even changes in mood! Beam me up scotty for I’m ready.

Immunotherapy: Your Cells Are Now On The Nice List

Immunotherapy can cause more problems than it solves – sounds familiar huh? These days immune-based therapies are all the rage. They teach your own immune system how to detect and destroy mutated cells so pesky tumerous don’t come around again(6). Unfortunately cute-innocent-turned-toxic-normal-cells during immunology intervention can sometimes result into serious health issues(6). So, think twice before blindly following fads.

Targeted Therapy: A Bull’s-eye Hunting Game

Bulls-eye target just like in firing practice shooting but instead of shoot, we use medicines.(7) In this therapy – a specific “”target”” is identified on the cancer cells & medicine gets right to work! It’s now you vs. them where then honkers can’t run away!

Targeted therapy doesn’t harm healthy cells and cause only mildest side effects compared to other treatments (8).

Side Effects
Diarrhea
Rashes or Other Skin Issues
Fatigue

Hormone Therapy: Gender Warfare?

Not one for ~science~ jokes (get it?) but who knows maybe Your hormones are the real problem here (9)? Especially those estrogen-loving tumors which rely on your body’s natural hormones(10).

By using hormone-based drugs helps control tumor growth leading an increased chance of evicting these squatters from our bodies.

Side Effects
Fluid Retention
Headaches

Now their reign has ended with us at the top – hell yeah!

New Frontiers Everyone Waits For

Technology is advancing every day through entrepreneurial solutions towards remission and hope; such as CAR-T cells therapies, Elekta Unity MR-linac and Niv-Moonshot 2020/2030 respectively.

It’s everyone duty to further support efforts against cancer!

Just be sure not taking steps backwards by blowing up oils after reading rumors online – because while some new treatments look promising , nothing beats proven methods.

In conclusion,

Sadly- cancer kill individuals’ daily as global approach fails to eradicate completely; but there still a ray of sunshine amidst all blackness spreading positive vibes only through humorous language.

There exist various treatment options including chemo-, radiation-, immunotherapy, hormone-, targeted therapies.

It’s only through us spreading positive energy circling the entire globe is there a chance that we may finally defeat this foe(11).

So, pull up your seat belts and let’s embark on a journey of humor with deep lines rooted inside!

References:

  1. “Cancer Treatments: Radiation Therapy.” US National Library of Medicine. National Institutes of Health, 01 Jan. 1970. Web.
  2. “Chemotherapy.” American Cancer Society, n.d.
  3. “Surgery for cancer – NHS Choices.” NHS Choices. N.p., n.d
  4. “Radiation Therapy.” Mayo Clinic, January 2021,
    5.“Immunotherapy.” Johns Hopkins Medicine.
    6.D’Angelo, S.P.; Tap,W.D.; Schwartz,G.K.. (2018) Desmoid Tumors and Their Management Oxford University Press
    7.“Targeted therapy drugs change the outlook in …” CiteSeerX document,
    8.National Comprehensive Cancer Network Clinical Practice Guidelines in Oncology-Small Cell Lung Cancertation
    9.Hormone Therapy for Breast Cancer – American Ca..
    10.AI-Based Diagnostics to Revolutionize Hormonal Thera…
    11.Recent Innovations in Adolescent Health Policy Pediatric Epilepsy Surgery & Innovative Techniques Journal “””

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