What can i take to quit smoking?

Are you tired of smelling like an ashtray? Are your lungs begging for mercy? Have you ever wondered what can actually help you quit smoking besides sheer willpower and nicotine patches? Look no further, my friend! We’ve compiled a list of things that are not only helpful but also hilarious.

Nicotine Gum – Technically Not Gum

Nicotine gum has been around since the 80s, so it’s not exactly groundbreaking. It looks like regular chewing gum, but trust us; it doesn’t taste as minty fresh. The idea is to chew the gum slowly until you really want to blow some bubbles or have had enough — whichever comes first.

Pros:

  • You won’t need a prescription
  • The dosage is up to you
  • Comes in different delicious flavors (our personal favorite: cinnamon)

Cons:

  • It tastes pretty disgusting
  • High chance of mouth irritation
  • They make fun of you at parties when they realize it’s not real gum

Acupuncture – Inserting Needles for Your Health

This ancient practice from Traditional Chinese Medicine might sound intimidating at first. But hey, anything beats lighting up another one, right? So how does acupuncture work exactly? Licensed practitioners use incredibly thin needles that barely feel uncomfortable at all and insert them into pressure points on your body to balance energy flow through meridians. Science may not fully explain this Eastern medicine art yet–but sometimes knowing something just works is good enough.

Pros:

  • Good excuse if people ask about your new piercing spot
  • Immediately relieves stress and therefore withdrawal symptoms
  • Energy meridians equalized after session

Cons:

  • Expensive sessions with lots needed for results
    (“Wait don’t let me leave here without gently releasing my wallet first!”)

Vaping – Like A Car Exhaust With An Endless Flavor/Aroma Selection

Vaping was invented as a smoking cessation tool for a reason: it’s relatively healthier than traditional cigarettes. However, things started to go sour when people began adapting the trend into something more…clout inducing? Now resulting in custom designs you can show off on Insta! Regardless of what it’s turned into, it’s not actually bad at all to help one quit smoking.

Pros:

  • Large assortment of sweet aromas including cotton candy and blueberry muffin
  • No secondhand smoke–so that means no annoyance from non-smoking family members or partners
  • Can customize your personal vape rig with blinking lights

Cons:

  • May cause popcorn lung (scar tissue accumulation) from inhaling too much diacetyl found in some flavored e-cigarettes
    (“Not Buttered Popcorn flavor again!”)

Hypnosis – Like Temporarily Updating Your Code

If none of the options presented so far have appealed to you yet; how about we reprogram your brainwaves itself? Hypnotherapy has been used medically since the 1800s, however only recently did hypnotists start advertising their services as an aid towards becoming smoke-free.

Pros:

  • You might be able to find several Groupons allowing for cheap sessions.
  • Doesn’t require any chewing/gulping/smoking anything
  • Furthers spiritual enlightenment

Cons:

  • Could become convinced they are now a chicken post-session
    (Feather tiaras sold separately)

Cold Turkey – The Only Food Pun In This Piece

And finally our classic and budget-friendly approach…stop doing drugs — err cigarettes altogether (which I will never tell anyone is harder than quitting heroin cold turkey knowing full well). It may take three hours instead of fifteen minutes like Allen Carr swore would happen but you might possibly eventually adapt almost. Cold turkey has probably taken down more smokers than any other method, so best to navigate with caution.

Pros:

  • Cost effective
  • Willpower training regime
  • Still too early to start jury-rigging a vape pen

Cons:

  • Withdrawal symptoms like irritability and cravings
  • Mirrors the horror of breaking up for an extended period when you’re really not over that person yet

We hope our list has given you some ideas about how to quit smoking. If all fails; we do have one more emergency option – just imagine being forcibly stuck indoors alongside your indefinitely smoking parents or friend since three seconds after birth. That oughta guarantee scared straight tactics will gain another member!

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