My Loveless Marriage: My Husband is Not Affectionate or Romantic

It’s no secret that marriage takes work, but what happens when all the love and affection you put in just isn’t reciprocated? This is the situation I find myself in with my husband, who seems to have missed the memo on romance. But don’t worry, dear reader – while it may seem like a hopeless situation, there are ways to cope and even find humor in these dire straits.

The First Signs of Trouble

Most relationships start off with fireworks (not literally… usually) as couples meet and fall head over heels for one another. For us, things started off much more modestly. Our first date was at a soup kitchen where we volunteered (because why go out for dinner when you can do something charitable instead?!). He was kind-hearted and intelligent which went a long way towards winning me over (who doesn’t love someone who’s both smart AND compassionate?!).

But once we settled into married life after two years of courting (#dealbreaker), it seemed like he switched into “friend mode”. Sure, we had good conversations about our shared interests (read: rescue pugs) but physically… well let’s say our intimacy levels could use some improvement somewhere between 0-100%.

The Look of Disinterest

Have you ever seen anyone look at their beloved spouse as if they were staring blankly ahead waiting for paint to dry? That’s how my husband looks at me most days (cue eye roll!). No stolen glances across crowded rooms or shyly locking eyes during deep conversations. Nope! Just dead stares left right & center.

Even worse is when he makes absolutely no effort to be intimate DESPITE my desperate attempts ALL OVER OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE! Trust me; I’ve tried everything from sexy lingeries 🩲👀to suggestive texts 📱🔥. But it seems like he’s somehow managed to install a firewall rejecting every attempt that comes his way!

The Struggle is Real

Now I know there are some of you out there who can relate (and if you can’t, god bless your souls for finding someone more adoring than mine <3) . If expressing love and affection aren’t reciprocated or even attempted; IT CAN WEAR ON YOU HARD.

You might find yourself spiraling into the “what ifs”: What if we’re not right for each other? what if he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore? What if he secretly has feelings somebody else?! 😳 NOPE – say goodbye to all those jumbled thoughts taking up too much space in your head!

Picking Yourself Up & Laughing It Off

Instead of letting these thoughts take over, try looking at life with a smile (a laughing emoji could work too,😝)!!! Make yourself laugh by being bold and creative since they do say humor heals everything!

Create situations where laughter is inevitable (even may be forced tbh but as long the giggles keep coming nothing wrong with that 😉 ) You can initiate doing things that both make you happy! So don’t be afraid to book tickets to stand-up comedy shows or share viral videos that’ll give your ribs exercise 🤣.

Making Amends – Maybe

I’d also suggest having an open conversation – AS SCARY AND INTIMIDATING THAT MAY SOUND – this tactic may actually repair/humanize the issue faced. For instance starting off softly perhaps ask why such display(s) of intimacy seem foreign/discomfort worthy opposed how previously comfortable it felt in years past.

Could there be new factors maintaining distance between both parties? Like, maybe workflow conflicts draining energy levels resulting on no interest or reduced intimacy generated?

From personal experience, when you communicate even if it goes south, worst case scenario can still be a good memory someday.” (I might have wanted to punch my husband when told me ‘he likes his space’ but I swear maybe 10/20 years we’ll look back & LOL!)

Never underestimate the effectiveness of opening up 💬

When All Else Fails:

Okay – Hear this out: What if nothing seems to unclog that chasm created in your romance area? Then what?? At some point of time, self-love becomes necessary. Try finding happiness outside of the marriage- whether it’s indulging in hobbies or spoil yourself with love & ~please note~ affection.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!!! While waiting for things on the romantic front to percolate, there are so many ways to feel valued and loved!!

  1. Hold off from sending sporadic secret admirer-themed flower bouquets… Use finance saved by curling up every night with popcorn and re-watching Friends.
  2. Don’t indulge in public displays suggestive activities. Get cozy indoors instead doing things your partner doesn’t find boring or demotivating (use your imagination).
  3. Shop online for thoughtful stuff such as handmade gifts (seriously who doesn’t adore personalized artisanal candles?!🕯️😍).

It may seem unconventional but trust me once all those extra interests start adding into life they make everyday special regardless relationship status.

In Conclusion:

For those facing trials resembling ours – feeling dejected is easy however watching videos shared where dogs hug their owners will uplift spirits within seconds! Or alternatively connect/meet other individuals experiencing similar relationship turmoil either via support groups, Reddit threads… (as longs talks revolve around overcoming hurdles rather than playing team depression Olympics lol)

The hope lies above everything else that no matter how melancholic feelings could get right now; tomorrow’s side may definitely be brighter! 🙂

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