My Husband’s Unhappiness: Inside the Struggles of Our Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful thing, they say. Two people coming together to create something awesome; isn’t that just romantic? Well, let me tell you from experience, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, sometimes it can feel like being stuck in a never-ending thunderstorm.

My husband and I have been married for six years now,and let me tell you, things haven’t always been easy. There have been times when everything was going great, but then there were other times when we couldn’t even stand being in the same room as each other.

The Beginning

When we first met back in college (Ah! The good old days) , he was this tall guy with curly hair who seemed so confident and self-assured. I remember thinking to myself that he must be some sort of superstar athlete or maybe even a model! Imagine my surprise when he told me he was studying chemical engineering!

We hit it off almost immediately– I still remember his smile – and before long we started dating seriously. It wasn’t long after graduation that we got married in front of our family and friends.

At first, everything was perfect; We had amazing sex (sorry if that sounds too crass) but over time things started getting complicated…

Trouble Brewing

One day while cleaning the house,I stumbled upon a note left by my husband on the kitchen counter-top:

Dear wife,

I am struggling to find happiness lately.

As soon as i read those lines tears welled up inside my eyes..i mean what could be wrong right?

I went into full-blown panic mode…did I stop putting effort into him emotionally? Did I do anything insensitive? Was something else hurting him immensely?

So many questions ran through my mind.The anxiety kicked-in..

Talking About Tough Times

I talked to him about it, of course. (Don’t worry – I wasn’t yelling or pointing fingers).We sat down and discussed what could be causing his unhappiness… It turned out that my husband was at a crossroads in his life.

Crossroads

You know those moments when you’re standing on the edge of something big and scary? That’s how my Husband felt back then. His job didn’t excite him anymore,and he wasn’t feeling like Chemical engineering was where he belonged!

He started questioning every life choice up until that moment- maybe marriage was also one of them..All the while, I kept thinking…

‘Man,this is way too much introspection’

Encouragement!

I mean honestly,what direction did we have for our lives; both personal & collective ? so far it had been pretty non-existent..but now things were getting real.So,I thought maybe trying new experiences together would help rekindle enthusiasm needed..

I encouraged him to start taking night classes in subjects he found interesting instead of being stuck miserable chem eng student,a little risky? Sure but stepping out-of-the-comfort-zone…its liberating!!

We started travelling as a couple more.Literally just throwing darts by map hanging on our living room wall and off went.These became our ‘second honeymoon’ moments with some even better sex(sorry!)and conversations than the first time.

Get Introspective (Recap)

Before-long things eased-out.I guess,the idea is recognizing everyone needs time for introspection ,when reflecting upon choices they make-and if possible giving them space or encouragement toward exploring aspects that inspire passion/empathy.Or travel !

Looking-at The Positive side !

It’s not all doom-and-gloom folks!I mean sure there are times when we argue about trivial stuff like laundry,but other times 10 o’clock discussions turn into mini Netflix-binges and Thai takeaway or new discoveries such as rock-climbing,to compete, motivate one another.

Routine!

One thing that has helped us maintain stability (apart from open communication) is having a routine. Now I know this may sound boring at first, but hear me out.

We both have full-time jobs,the rigours of post-work exhaustion,coupled with mind-numbing commutes make it harder to find enthusiasm to do after-work stuff..so we set up our must-dos for the weekends -meetup-with friends trying trendy restaurants,browse through market-fairs ,movie night.Not rocket science,but spicing things up makes love flourish .

So you see folks, marriage is not as easy as they show in movies,and finding someone who understands your issues isn’t easy; but sticking around might be worth it.A wonderful husband in my life despite inevitable ups-and-downs!

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