My Husband’s Empathy Fails Me

Relationships are often driven by one primary key factor: empathy. It takes great effort to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their viewpoint, feelings or predicaments even when they differ from yours. As the saying goes, “empathy is the glue that holds human communities together.” However, what happens when this bond of understanding fails in a marriage? Well, let’s talk about my husband…

The Beginning

As romantic as our wedding day was, it wasn’t until years later that I realized how emotionally limited my darling partner could be. In fact, his tender heart had more protective walls than the Great Wall of China! His lack of sensitivity started manifesting from little things such as not feeling sorry for me for spending two hours doing laundry because he had none himself (joyism at its best) to larger issues like downplaying the emotional significance of events that were important to me.

A Missed Anniversary Comes into Play

Let me paint you a picture; it was our fifth year anniversary and I was giddy with excitement due to all preparations made prior – dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant overlooking the harbor with an ocean view lounge afterward.To my shock and dismay though, my love forgot about our special day completely! He only realized something was amiss when he saw elaborately decorated tables and balloons arranged around our dining room as soon as we arrived home later that night.

How could you forget?”, I yelled.

He looked bewildered,”I don’t know? Maybe because work has been busy?”

“You can say that again! You’re so engrossed in your work life,you’ve become nonchalant towards us!”

That argument fizzled out eventually but left some remnants behind- insecurity on whether he really cares enough.Was there ever going to be something significant enough for him clock attention too within our relationship?

The Present

As the years went by, I noticed an empathic decline in his conduct that only exacerbated our differences; essentially becoming issues too entrenched to ignore. The inability to attune to my feelings without constantly ranting about ‘how-to-fix-it’ wasn’t making it any easier either.

Driving Home with a Bruised Toe

Last Tuesday evening, things took a turn for worse after arriving home from my night shift at the hospital. Overwhelmed by exhaustion and needing some TLC,I expected comfortingly warm arms around me considering how physically drained I was. Unfortunately ,my expectations dashed as he delved into our finances instead- inundating me with questions like “when are we going to pay off the car loan?” which only served as unnecessary noise.

Whilst walking towards bed, what happened next is still beyond my grasp! Whistle out of nowhere,dressed up like Tom Cruise -he lunged from behind catching me unaware-braced myself and jerked away -hitting furniture simultaneously which led to a painful,bloody toe,and ironical lyrics played in the background “I Want You To Want Me”by Cheap Trick!

In pain and teary-eyed, I tried conveying this yet again but found no sympathy . Instead of giving me space or help with cleaning up (our room looked like an episode of Dexter at this point), He turned up Coldplay on full blast and left- oblivious

“Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard…”

This signified how insouciant he could be.If he cant understand physical pain then emotional understanding becomes more complicated right?

Date Nights : No Longer Intimate Getaways

Movies have made getting back together during date nights seem easy fix when relationships go awry.I however shudder through our monthly ‘date night’ routine.We end up talking about work last movie watched/random rants about annoyances (ever heard of joyism?) No one takes the initiative to step back, relax and see beyond superficial discussions that do not lead to true connection.

At this point, I’m wondering if he can read minds at work meetings with such ease. Is something wrong with me?

The Future

As bleak as things may appear presently,detrimental aspects relating to our marriage could be tackled ,providing a stronger unified front against future challenges.Whilst pointing out flaws, I acknowledge John Gottman’s ‘Four Horsemen’ method of evaluating relationships differentiations between love and hate- Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling attributes -crucial concepts in understanding grudges we tend building unknowingly .

Forget Michael Faudet Poems!Try Bedroom Tabletop Games!

Taking inspiration from successful rehabilitation programs is crucial for healthy living ,and playing therapy games backed by professionals possess more influence than just resolving issues on your own.I recently discovered “TableTopics Couples,” a small card game kit on Amazon where you draw deeply emotional questions upon each other.Though it might seem simple,it facilitates vulnerability strengthening bonds normally untouched. Besides,you get an insight into what makes him ‘tick’.

Moreover,avoid waiting till danger strikes . It is pertinent too communicate how incident(s) affect me bringing clarity when situations ultimately play-out differently.His interpretation might differ however realization in itself provides sufficient ground towards empathizing increasing upsurge

Final Thoughts

In conclusion while empathy takes joint effort between both partners it’s not always entirely possible.Distinct personalities led by varying experiences determine instincts which are hard-wired overtime.Personalized solutions like outlined above whilst exploring available options create room strengthen partnerships underlined shared perception versus misunderstandings either party has.With high divorce rates craving happiness yet unwilling change mindset/behaviour perceived detrimental effect these actions have they remain necessary.Solution-based therapy like suggested could potentially discourage such realities.

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