Missing Out: My Boyfriend’s Bed-only Affection

It was the happiest day of my life when I met Joe. Everything seemed perfect with us until we started living together. It wasn’t long before I realized that despite all his efforts to make me feel loved, he wasn’t as affectionate as I wanted him to be. More specifically, he is only interested in cuddling and holding hands while in bed!

If you think that sounds cute and romantic, well let me tell you – it gets old fast! This article explores my frustration with this situation and how I dealt with it.

The Problem Unveiled

From the start of our relationship, Joe had been incredibly kindhearted (I mean like really) and loving towards me. He would always hold open doors for me and text me throughout the day just to tell me he loves being around me even though we were barely apart from each other during waking hours.

But something was missing – intimacy! How touched do you want someone else’s hand on yours or their head nuzzled against your shoulder can one be? That’s great at the beginning of a relationship but after a while…things get stale.

The real kicker came when we moved into our own place; A week went by where there were very few touches outside bedtime moments…okay okay maybe 2 moments tops!

Frustrations & Resentment Grew

At first (naturally so), because everything was new for us two –moving in together included–my thoughts went wild wondering whether “it” may not have been lost already in translation…yup those what if’s!

But alas no matter how much I tried communicating openly (envision two giddy young lovebirds staring intensely at each other over paella plates.), nothing seemed to change about my boyfriend’s tactile preferences: Bed Only snuggles it is!!

Every time I tried to initiate something touchy outside the bedroom, Joe seemed uncomfortable and would tensely push me away. It left me feeling rejected, hurt and even more despondent.

At some point in time maddeningly frustrating private moments with other frustration regarding our life slowed creeping to a peak (cue emotional music) –would you look at that! it was like all my emotions were becoming supressed altogether inside – gradually piling up until BAM!—out of nowhere.

Heck there was even an instance where I got mad because he wouldn’t reach for anything on top of the kitchen cabinet without a chair shaking head…just throw your tall genes outta sight And be gone! Urgh

At this juncture; Things indeed looked not-so-good-wasn’t long before tears flowed down my cheeks as frustrations edged towards resentment.

Some Considerations

As things continued down hill I began thinking about breaking up with him but couldn’t bring myself to do it. So here are some considerations laced with hard learned lessons:-

Communication Is Key

One thing is certain relying so heavily on non-verbal cues wasn’t cutting it anymore (sigh). So what we needed was healthy communication style aptly suited for such an intimate issue which involved invoking understanding from both sides. In short,talk them problems out people-talk ’em right through

A Conscious Redirection

A key realization also floated across my busy brain.. if he basically thrived off Physical Touch/Cuddle Language -not holding hands as much when we go grocery shopping or pecks in public then why should make his needs–the ones that made him feel loved– feel bad?

Ergo,a conscious effort full redirect begins (train your hand muscles guys!) set aside personal inadequacies & try appreciate physical presence even if mostly bed-bound plus seizing moments where “mood” my escalate!

Relationship Advice is NOT Gospel

I will state outright that I tried reading tons of advice on the subject (mostly nonsensical stuff) but guess what? -Advisory guidelines may be wide, & work for many couples however they cannot be universally applied as each relationship has unique nuances.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Now, it’s been a few years since that trying period in our relationship and we are still together. Things aren’t perfect by any means although current times do clarify how communication does indeed promote symbiotic growth(think flowers).

We had to find common ground here and there,(also take note of changing environments e.g relocating from rural areas where intimate moments would go unnoticed to relatively more urbanized settings like cities or small populated centers ;)) have some proper convo’s about issues but ultimately came round;one compromise led to another till something just felt right.

Re-Calibrations included being acceptable of Bed-only snuggles which now include kissing beforehand plus longer duration- also Progressed slowly with non bed time cuddling bit by bit until hey presto–we get to savor pure comfort at them bed corners.

Moral Lesson Learned: relationships are hard work but only succeed when couples communicate properly and look for ways around their problems instead of giving up too easily based solely on differences!

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