I was in a psych ward?

If someone had told me a decade ago that I would end up in a psych ward, I would have rolled my eyes and probably responded with some kind of sarcastic quip. But life has its way of throwing curveballs at us, and before I knew it, there I was – locked up in a mental institution.

It all started with the voices

I don’t mean to sound like one of those people you see on TV dramas who hears the voice of God telling them to do crazy things. No, these were just loud thoughts – an endless stream of negativity that whirled around inside my head without any sign of stopping.

Going downhill fast

Before long, my moods began swinging wildly from high to low- sometimes several times within the same day. My friends attempted to reach out but no one seemed able or willing To help me get better until something disastrous occurred.

The breakdown

One morning- while trying to portray normalcy for work-, I finally completely broke down crying uncontrollably at work after what felt like hours upon hours pretending everything was okay then BOOM!! It wasn’t okay anymore! Everything came crashing down as if there’s nothing left for me again but pretense so yeah..my facade fell apart.

Afterward being phoned by 911 while trying hard not brokenly sobbing profusely over her headset/phone , were awaiting my arrival outside amidst glaring looks from passing pedestrian even till they (paramedics) got too annoyed; Put simply?…it was chaos!

Admission into Pscychiatric Unit

It didn’t take much longer before hospitalization became necessary as it alone couldn’t cure how damaged and vulnerable i’d become(too trusting)-full blown depression had set in! The doctors later diagnosed bipolar disorder which explained why we always laughed our hearts out then delved into lonesome depths soon thereafter.

That marked the beginning of my journey at the psych ward – a place that would become my temporary home- for nearly six months.

The first days in Psych Ward

The facility was sterile and extremely impersonal. There were no comforting touches or warm smiles, just old, faded photographs on drab walls to capture one’s fragmented attention if “lucky enough!”.

My daily routine felt monotonous; three square meals interjected occassionally with a visit from a Psychiatrist who always carelessly probed every corner of our private lives then leaves solemnly. It’s like having your foes know every secret you hold sacred but since it’s mandatory? Who cares?!

In between therapy sessions and medications dosages adjustment, we took long walks along identical gray corridors trying not to panic despite the heavy invisible weights pressing down vigorously inside; probably too wary of boring ourselves into another psychotic break hence exchanging cowardice look whenever possible…fun!

The people I met

Believe it or not, being locked up with others going through similar experiences had its perks actually!. We bonded over our shared struggles and found comfort knowing what each other was going through without even saying much.

There were some truly unique individuals: Queen Elsa(told us countless time how she wasn’t mad really but only here because ‘people’ misunderstood her gifts), Harry Potter fanatic(he still thinks he won’t need meds once Dumbledore accepts him in Hogwarts!) whom never visited his family abroad because “they’d be so proud their son is now living among fellow Wizards”; Chief William(not sure about rank, tbh!) an ex-military personnel couldn’t bear hearing any kind mention of war! deep scars everywhere!

But it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though!.One patient became obsessed with me(referred together as:”sweet things”); following me~everywhere~ while self-acclaimed ‘bad boys’ tried hard depicting machoism in front of impressionable females . Someone mistakeneely believed he was Jesus un-apologetically claiming his righteous rights! More entertaining, and in equal measure scary!, were congregations formed at wee hours; singing prayers loudly till we broke a sweat then begin confessing sins committed since toddlerhood. Oh! I even started hallucinating seeing angels inside light bulb strands too..

We constantly reminded ourselves that as tough as things get inside there- outside is much worse.

Breakthroughs and setbacks

As time passed by, the regimented daily routine began slowly but steadily showing its blessings-. My mood swings became less extreme while my self-esteem picked up immensely!. Crying spasms fewer than yesteryear where it once felt like I was shedding pounds upon pounds of tears fortnightly(very painful to recall).

But with each step forward, there were always two backward causing fresh waves of discouragement stampeding over us all which made one feel trapped amidst an endless cycle being pushed further down into my own gutters every minute spent behind those locked doors!.

However honesty always paved way every time progress halted; what worked or didn’t work discussed openly either on meds dosages or exercise routines so that everyone can benefit from each other’s experiences-no need for competition.. In retrospect? Maybe somewhere deep down hoping bragging could prove our sanity !!!chuckles. Regardless we emerged victoriously out more wholesome human beings albeit temporary…

The Road to Recovery

Finally ready for discharge after months care?…..time telling us something we never wanted to hear,time keeps ticking no matter how badly we want it stopped idly waiting unlike emergency situations/survival instincts aroused-it doesn’t halt though end result unexpected….start re-adapting core values ,getting back with old friends & family members who thought they’d lost me forever!.

Comprehending deeply another angle: There are times your journey may require stints away from everything & everyone-(probaly viewing that person as a stumbling block or.. mere hindrance) while you go on to achieve greatness(don’t picture winning a lottery though!). Similar cases; Could be loss of job,divorce,bereavement among others. So ask yourself: How do I make the most out of this? Forget what society thinks right for us! Use your intuition.

Final Thoughts

The experience was mentally taxing…and shattering providing an introspective escape from mundane reality into another avenue where we learned more about ourselves than anywhere before!

Stigmatization usually hails anytime discussion turns towards mental health but take it easy and know you have gone through something tougher not lesser than anyone reading this.Then cheerfully toughen up! Strengthen self esteem!. Embrace flaws! (insert 3 emojis here)

If things feel like they are getting out of hand(and trust me sometimes-they will), empathize with one’s failing body ,recognize own weakness(it actually takes courage to admit it!) then seek help repeatedly tilu~findi t💪🥇

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