I Resent My Husband: Unemployed & At Home

As a woman, I always thought that being married to my soulmate would involve strolling along the beach and sharing a bottle of wine in front of a crackling fire. Boy was I wrong!

I did not realize that marriage also involved sharing your space, your finances, and your life with another person who’s routines, habits and general demeanor may differ from yours. However little did I know that these nuances could become very complex- such as when one spouse becomes unemployed while the other is raking in all the dough.

Unemployment Blues

It has been 4 years since my husband lost his job due to company downsizing, but he still hasn’t managed to find his footing again. To say it has been excruciating watching him fail repeatedly would be an understatement…God knows how many places he’s applied for -and nothing seems to stick!

The Struggle Is Real

When you are dealing with someone who is out of work for so long:
Their confidence plummets: Every time they get turned down from yet another interview or face rejection letters-this chips away at their ego until there’s literally nothing left.
The knock-on effect starts weighing on you too: Suddenly you feel like their failures have now somehow become your own because let’s face it: marriage can be kinda codependent like that.
Money woes start creeping in: All the savings accounts start rapidly diminishing as regular expenses pile up; but wait! He needs some new shoes-again.

You’d Think More Time Would Be Good Thing…

So here we are-knee-deep into year four-and suddenly my prince charming has gone from salaried worker-bee queening behind a desk (pun intended) to basically flitting about daily chores at home “as if he don’t have no place to go” (A phrase I often use). I mean, aren’t gentlemen meant to bring home the bacon and ladies to cook it all up?

Mommy Honey

Not only is he now nowhere close to bringing home any bread- he’s reduced me, a grown laady,l into taking of care him like he is my third child. Some of his new found habits that asparagus my existence include:
Lazy Boy: He spends most of his days lounging on our couch-despite being a liability.

Days Hours spent lounging
Monday-Friday 6+ hours
Saturday-Sunday Same

Meals: He not only manages to eat substantially more than when he was employed, but also whines incessantly whenever there isn’t food ready for him by mealtime.

| Meal Timing | Whining: Yes or No? |
|————|————————-|
| Breakfast |\ Yes |
| Lunch |\ Sometimes |
| Supper |\ Constantly |

As if that wasn’t enough-Lunch breaks have now become the highlight of his day!

The Great Depression

It would be unfair for me to simply vent about how irritating yet endearing-his new quirks may be without addressing how this total shift has affected the both us financially, emotionally and even spiritually.

### Words Can Hurt
We vowed never insult each other at any point in time; But recently-he started leaving some real stingers.It doesn’t help that there’s an elephant in the room that neither wants
to see.

Tips To Manage Emotional Trauma Caused By Spouse Making Snippy Comments:

  1. Breathe deeply – While coming across hurtful words from your partner can take you unaware and dispirite you; Deep breaths and meditation work wonders in managing this hurt.
  2. Take a backseat- Do not take every mean message from your spouse to heart.It is important to recognize that they just might be going through some sort of crisis too.
  3. Seek professional help – This may require for you both as a couple and individually.

The Great Depression

It’s funny that the name of the US economic depression actually describes what savings, assets and general quality-of-life status he has left us in…

Shared Footsteps

It’s hard enough that our finances are tighter than usual but adding the weight of supporting him emotionally has essentially reduced me into feeling like an emotional Sherpa carrying all his burdens with me too !

Here Are Some Dos And Don’ts I Have Learned To Keep Your Head Above Water During Familial Tight Spots:
  • Know What You’re Dealing With: Knowing how much money we have coming in vs what goes means;
    1.We’ve spent more time keeping track of our budget.
    2.I must always prioritize everything financially-which hasn’t been very fun cause shopping therapy was always a go-to during tough times.

Yes, anytime life throws tantrums at you… ice cream or new clothes become some sorta cure-all.__I miss those days.

  • Engage In Window Shopping : While it can be tempting to splurge on anything new things-sometimes looking but not touching is okay!Gives thee hope eventually getting those spurring stuff.

Relationship quandaries

As someone my closest friends would describe as independent womaniac; It sure is daunting realizing how long it took for me to realise parting ways maybe upto sign out situation-because as people grow further apart sometimes its better divide the bread…

We’ve started doing things separately now which leads most defto one: Is being unemployed so bad?

For Better Or Worse?

After grappling with these emotions for eons, I have finally realized that being unemployed is a pandemic on its own and my man is undoubtedly going through his own struggles as well. I mean, who would want their self-worth to be measured by their ability or lack thereof to find work?

Disunity In Unity

Looking back id say all these small things we notice about each ourselves post marriage,are little bits of baggage adding up over time and another important question rings in the ear
;Should this affect how much you love someone?-maybe 💔.

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