How to use suppository laxative?

Welcome, dear reader, to this hilariously informative guide on how to use suppository laxatives. We understand that the concept might sound uncomfortable or even downright scary, but fear not! With our easy-to-follow instructions and a touch of humor, you’ll be pooping like a pro in no time.

Before we dive into the details, let’s briefly clarify what exactly a suppository is. According to Merriam-Webster (yes, we did some research), a suppository is “a small solid medicated insert designed for insertion into one of the orifices of the body.” Sounds enticing already!

So, without further ado (or insertion puns), let’s get started with step one:

Step 1: Choose Your Weapon

First things first – if you’re going for a suppository laxative ride, you need some actual suppositories. Here are three common types of over-the-counter options:

  • Bisacodyl suppositories (Say Bye-bye Constipation)
  • Glycerin suppocatories (Boom Boom Go The Bowels)
  • Docusate Sodium Suppositories (Stool Softener Squadron)

Choose whichever brand speaks to your soul… erhm.. digestive system preferences.

A quick word of advice – make sure you pick up enough packages so that you don’t find yourself at home with only half a weapon. Imagine trying to chop down trees with half an axe (talk about breaking wind) 😉

Step 2: Prepare Yourself Mentally

We know it can be daunting facing everything from exit-only openings down there BUT trust us – this will pass(heh) soon(ish) and all parties involved will have happier people leading worthwhile lives.

Anyway! Prior mental preparation comes handy when bracing for the eventual awkwardness that presents itself when opening those letters of the alphabet we all have down there. So, clear your schedule for 30 to 45 minutes ahead of time to relax and focus on the job at hand.

Mentally prepare yourself with deep mysterious ancient wisdom like this one: Relax…Unleash..Let go! (That was clearly an eastern philosophy)

Step 3: Getting Down to Business

Are you ready? Course you are..

First, make sure that your bowel movements actually require a suppository laxative. Trying this on empty bowels may result in zero progress whilst overuse might send things exploring more than necessary (think NASA space probes).

Next, read the instructions very carefully so that you know what suppositories look like and how they work. Remember – inserting them backwards is not advised.

Now follow these steps:

  • Wash and dry your hands thoroughly
  • Open up the package carefully without tearing off any surrounding part(s)
  • Insert(ohh yeah baby) it gently into your anus, aiming towards your lower back (we recommend backing onto something cushiony as well).
  • You should feel upward pressure but THOU SHALT NOT PUSH IT FURTHER IN!

Hold still for some moments until everything inside unmelts (like butter) before resuming activities.

Okay now I/O flop out story time it isn’t mandatory however while holding position try;

Boring Activities such as:

• Alphabet reciting backward (It's tough!)
• Singing 'The Happy Birthday Song' several times

One could engage in interesting activities such as:

 • Dance dance revolution moves(helpful leg workout too)
 • Planning grocery lists mentally(however less interesting because will remind one which foods aren't helping!)  

Step 4: Wait Patiently

At first,you’re probably picturing a newly formed volcano trying to burst its way out. which is completely expected but wasn’t necessarily how it was supposed to be!.
Try your best to take those deep breaths and wait patiently for the suppository laxative to do its work of softening and loosening anything ready to vacate (does “pack up” as well).

Pro tip: You can lay on your side if you feel more comfortable that way, just make sure not to move around too much.

Step 5: It’s Time!

After maybe some seconds or minutes waiting (we did say this might take patience), you should start feeling rumblings within the colon. Gradually the urge may build (OHMY..) until finally; it’s time for action (Grab a magazine)…finally…

Final thoughts

Now that we’re at the end, let us clarify one thing – pooping isn’t really a laughing matter, at least not in some situations (say goodbye good suits!) However with this guide alongside inappropriate humor we hope you laughed out loud while gleaning important information because as they said in ancient bathhouses ಠ_ರೃ“nobody will respect anybody who disturbs other people’s bowels.”

All jokes aside though, if you are experiencing chronic constipation or have concerns about using suppositories or any kind of medication, please consult your healthcare provider.

“The most memorable moments usually aren’t always jovial ones…”

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