How to stop early menopause?

Menopause is an inevitable rite of passage in every woman’s life. However, what happens when menopause comes jolting earlier than expected? Well, early “meno-pauses”. Not so funny now but hey! it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Are you ready for your eggs to retire faster than a civil servant in rural America? Are you feeling like Mother Nature has lost her sense of timing and decided it would be hilarious if instead of being hot at forty, you get hit by the clichéd bricks that were supposedly reserved for fifty-year-olds? Fear not!

We’ve put together this comprehensive guide on how to stop early menopause or slow down its progress from taking over your life (If Absolut Vodka couldn’t keep your youth forever then we can’t either).

The Lowdown on Early Menopause

Early onset menopause occurs before the typical age range which is usually between 45-55 years old. It could occur as early as in one’s twenties or thirties. This phase comes with various symptoms such as irregular periods until they finally cease altogether; these lead to other effects such as mood changes, vaginal dryness (not that anyone likes those facts), sleep disruption and gasp decreased sex drive along with other undesirable conditions.
The main cause behind this stage might just be due to genetics (Thank God I’m adopted) but factors related include chemotherapy treatment(The only time we pray for cancer like amen!!! 😂😂)and surgical procedures focused around women’s reproductive systems.

Eat Healthily

As much as I enjoy indulging my palate every once in a while let me tell you guys something – Now isn’t no damn time! Consumption of foods rich in Vitamin C & E(DBZ fans know what’s up!) promotes anti-oxidation activity that slows down the aging process. With anti-oxidative properties alongside phytoestrogens present in Soy-based materials, you might just postpone your visit to that cemetery (or buy more expensive eggs). Ensure a balanced diet consisting of fruits, vegetables, grains and healthy fats such as olive oil or fish oils (Don’t be afraid to fish for information on getting those omegas).

Supplement your way out

Supplements containing calcium and Vitamin D are great options that support minor relief from symptoms related with ‘meno-pauses’. (Who said extra vitamins killed nobody) These supplements reduce the occurrence of osteoporosis – fragility found in bones which could cause fractures easily.

The Miracle Of Exercise

The inclusion of physical exercise in daily activities not only promotes better blood circulation but also helps improve bone density by minimizing the effects of osteoporosis mentioned earlier. Regular exercises such as running, jogging or any form cardio-workout can help maintain hormones levels leading to a benign influence on us women (at least we won’t have double chins)

Avoid Alcohol Consumption Like A Plague

While alcohol may relax our nerves after a long day’s work or a boring Zoom meeting with Bob from accounting It actually fuels early onset menopause while making it worse. So ditching Heavy Calorie drinks may well ditch this evil condition right back; although I’m sure no one would like to take chances! (Please Note: Wine wasn’t included because who doesn’t love wine???)

How do Medical Experts come in?

The use of HRT(Hormone Replacement Treatment) has been approved by medical experts for patients experiencing severe menopausal symptoms at an unforeseen time period.(This is when having health insurance comes into play) Hormonal Therapy involves numerous estrogen-replacement medications designed specifically towards eliminating hot flashes and vaginal dryness among several other symptoms(because walking around sweaty & parched isn’t a good look on anybody)

Factors to embrace (If you don’t have a choice)

  1. Acceptance:Accepting the fact that one is experiencing early menopause might be quite difficult but it eventually leads towards progress in coming up with means of combating this condition.

  2. Avoid Stressful Events or Activities: Engage in relaxing activities such as yoga, meditation and spa massages; these promote relaxation hence reducing stress. (Netflix & Chill counts too!)

  3. Indulge In Extra Vaginal Lubricants : Don’t be afraid to stockpile lubricants just incase (you know what they say about preparation!)

  4. Form Support Groups : sang “We’re all in this together” Teamwork makes the dream-work ladies! Come together with other women dealing with similar issues through social media platforms or any extracurricular gathering means if we no go remand yard where we for meet again? 😂😂

Let’s put an end to Early Menopause

In some situations, embracing mother nature’s inevitable timing simply cannot happen because life goes on whether we like it or not.(No pause button unfortunately!! You’re stuck there okay???) However, through cautious measures that lead towards nurtured lifestyle habits alongside High Medication Treatment-therapy – female migrants can find relief from dealing alone regarding challenges accompanying early onset menopause.
That being said, proper diet and exercise rank atop the list when nurturing your body while also adhering well-laid advice availed by medical experts for effective results.

(N/B: This article was written solely for satirical purposes only)

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