How to give yourself a charley horse?

Ah, the dreaded charley horse. That cramp in your leg that feels like a herd of angry miniature horses trying to bust out. Most people spend their lives avoiding this unpleasant sensation. But maybe you’re not most people. Maybe you’re the type of person who likes a little pain in their life. Well, friend, if that’s the case, then have we got a guide for you! Here we will delve into 16 ways to give yourself a charley horse – just remember, you asked for it.

Prepping Your Body

Before we start inducing cramps left and right like some sort of sadistic puppet master (okay fine I won’t use ‘sadistic’ again), let’s talk about what can help increase your chance of success.

Stretch Those Muscles

You need limber leg muscles so they don’t bail on us right away (limber is such an underused word). Try stretching them beforehand with techniques like:

  • Standing quad stretch
  • Yoga eagle pose
  • Downward dog split
  • Runner’s lunge

This way when it counts they’ll be longer than my three o’clock shadow (Ridiculous simile alert!) and hopefully more susceptible to intense contractions.

Hydration is Key

The thing about cramping up is often our bodies are low on electrolytes or fluids which conduct electrical impulses from nerve cells effectively telling our muscles when/how hard to contract/relax (Science lesson brought to you by me). So instead of stocking up on water go grab one of these hyped-up fizzy drinks marketed directly toward endurance athletes—you know something neon-colored and impossible to pronounce [^1].

The Good Stuff: How-To Induce Painful Muscle Spasms

We hope by now that you’ve sufficiently hydrated and accepted the fact that you are bringing this on yourself. So let’s get started!

Get Your Mind Right

You need to convince your brain that cramping up is something you not only accept but welcome. It’s more than just a physical task—mental preparation goes a long way.

  • Make some maniacal laughter your background music
  • Smack your own ass with great force repeatedly(Don’t look at me like that, it’ll work).
  • Recount all of life’s painful moments (I.e Stubbing toe enough times till tears leave those ducts lowered for good) so this seems like child’s play

Sit On Your Butt (And Accept The Punishment)

Things can happen when we sit for extended periods such as our muscles losing elasticity (^2). Try sitting with poor posture or placing legs at an uncomfortable angle. This will put undue strain on certain areas and make it easier to trigger muscle spasms.

Push Through A Tough Run

You know how right before reaching mile marker five there’s that wave of pain telling us its time to quit? DO NOT QUIT instead keep powering through (wipes sweat off forehead) until one (or both) of your legs gives out.

Dance Fever: Shake Those Hips

Whether it’s two-step, Bollywood or grinding I don’t judge these things, dancing is sure to have you moving crazy-like in mere minutes thus increasing chances for random god awful quad contractions.

Squat Till You Drop

Sitting/standing squats burn because they cause lactic acid buildup—a chemical byproduct released by muscles during high-intensity exercise aka ‘the devil incarnate’ [^3]. The residual effects mean increased odds of waking up from a nap limping having caused late night agony upon thyself.

Tips To Suppress Charley Horse Symptoms

What if it happens naturally? Here are some tips to help tame the screaming beasts within.

Icy hot To The rescue

Frigid and scorching sensations in one tube, smells like medieval torture my dear friends but Oh My! Does it work. Apply a wee bit of this or any menthol rub, cream or ointment onto leg muscles for immediate relief.

Stay hydrated (again)

Dehydration = Bad. Very Bad.

  • Guzzle water before bed
  • Chug aggressively if symptoms arise at night
  • Make bathroom breaks your new bae

Heat It Up

Simply placing a heating pad on affected area should loosen the strangled muscle fibers and reduce pain.

Practice Reflexology

Massage feet gently with thumb using circular motions around arches and heels—may sound odd but stimulating nerve endings linked with calf muscles will help ease spasms [^4].

Conclusion

There you have it folks, sixteen ways to bring about excruciating pains followed by soothing cures that’ll make you feel good all over again hopefully like an unsuspecting accomplice misguided into participating in something they totally could have seen coming from 127 miles away.
But remember: as tempting as it may be to give yourself cramps every week just so you can feel alive, take care of yourself too (sappy message alert) because injuring oneself on purpose is not worth jeopardizing long term health goals. Nonetheless happy inducing!

Random Posts