How to get japanese encephalitis?

Ah, so you want to join the elite club of people who have contracted Japanese encephalitis. Congratulations! You’ve come to the right place. In this hilarious guide, we’ll show you how you can get infected by this deadly virus and become a part of this noble tradition.

What is Japanese Encephalitis?

Before we dive into how to contract it, let’s first discuss what exactly Japanese encephalitis is. According to our trusted source (wink wink), JE is a viral infection that affects your brain and spinal cord. It’s transmitted through mosquitos that are found in regions of Asia where JE occurs frequently (sorry Europe). The symptoms include fever, headache, vomiting, confusion…oh wait those sound like just regular hangover symptoms.

Why Would I Want This Disease?

Great question! First off, nobody likes FOMO – fear of missing out on things they don’t have yet – so why not je ne sais quoi about contracting an exotic disease? And secondly(hopefully more compelling reasons), getting sick with JE could help develop your immune system for even bigger challenges such as COVID-19 or sniffles season later down the line!

Also: bragging rights

Who Can Catch It?

JE cares about all humanity equally; however(!) some people are at higher risk than others mainly if:
– travel / reside in areas where there has been cases
– involved in high-risk outdoor activities,
– live near pigs and other animals

But no one should be discouraged because let’s face it..admit it…you’re dying (not literally) but secretly wanting to try some new entertainment while still being protective so why not introduce yourself directly under the mosquito(s).

The Moment We’ve Been Waiting For…

Now here comes the fun part! Are you ready? Let’s get into how to infect yourself with Japanese encephalitis:

Head to the Infected Countries

The first step in contracting JE is to go where it lives. You’ll want to head over to Southeast Asia or the Western Pacific region if you’re really serious about catching this disease

Southeast Asia

  • Cambodia
  • Laos
  • Myanmar/Burma
  • Thailand
  • Vietnam

Western Pacific Region

 - People’s Republic of China
 - Taiwan ††
 - Japan°°

Pro tip: If you see a sign that says “Don’t stay here after sunset because mosquitoes are vampires who will come out and play hard“, make sure not to miss their party invitation!

Congregate With Animals

JE is mostly transmitted by mosquitos, but did you know that animals can carry it too? Hanging around pigs (not Hollywood celebs) especially ones taking photo shoots for some farmer magazine might be one way. Sharing food, drinks or any items may also increase your likelihood of getting sick.

Leave Your Sticky Welcome Sign For The Mosquitoes

Although there aren’t any foolproof guaranteed methods for attracting infected mosquitos (yet), here are few tips:
1. Wear shorts and sandals

2.Burn attractant candles such as vanilla, Cochin cinnamon, lavender which create an alluring scent trail straight from your veins.

3.Don’t clean your house up very well (I have heard vacuuming kills blood-seeking behaviors)

4.Camp outside during summer months

5.Water stagnant Point with lots of algae usually keep them busy through the night times.

You got bitten? Congratulations on being patient zero! But wait..

(Disclaimer Alert!) This guide was satirical.fun.colourful.in no shape/form meant as literal advice.DO NOT INTENTIONALLY ATTEMPT TO CONTRACT JAPANESE ENCEPHALITIS. This disease can cause serious health issues, including death.Do read up on the actual symptoms, causes and consequences of it. Take necessary precautions while traveling such as vaccinations…(Snore zone! We are guessing about here but seriously don’t be stupid!)

Conclusion

To sum it all up, we’re happy to have enlightened you on how to infect yourself with Japanese encephalitis. Remember that contracting a potentially deadly virus is not to be taken lightly, so make sure you do your research (don’t rely solely on humorous articles) and take necessary steps; if there’s any questionable or outlandish advice given always double check (professor eyes). After all, nothing screams ‘fun weekend’ like being bedridden for weeks in ICU..amirite?

Safe travels!

Thanks for coming to our TED Talk.

Stay safe.

Keep laughing (literally)

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