How to get diet pills?

Are you tired of looking like a sumo wrestler? Do people mistake you for Jabba the Hutt? Well, it’s time for you to get your hands on some diet pills! We all know that the world is unfair and it favors those who look fit and toned. But don’t worry, I have got your back (and belly) covered. In this funny guide, I’ll show you how to get diet pills without breaking a sweat (literally).

Step 1: Consult with Your Doctor… Or Not?

Before we go any further, let me ask you something very important. Do you care about your health or are just looking to lose some weight asap? If your answer is ‘no’, then congratulations pal, you’re living life like there’s no tomorrow!

But if your answer is ‘yes’, which in most cases should be the right one (insert doctor’s facepalm here), then let me break it down for ya. You need to consult with a physician before taking any kind of medication that could potentially harm or affect your body.

Don’t wanna do that because doctors smell weird sometimes? Fine by me! Just make sure that at least one person knows where they can find the key to unlock your bathroom door when things go south.

Step 2: Determine What Kind of Diet Pills You Need

There isn’t just one type of diet pill out there – they come in many shapes and sizes (but please don’t confuse them with colorful candies unless you want explosive diarrhea). To find out what kind will work best for you, consider these suggestions:

  • Appetite suppressants
  • Fat blockers
  • Thermogenics
  • Carb blockers

These types have varying effects on different bodies so choose wisely my friend!

Step 3: Choose Your Source Wisely … Or Not?

There are many ways to get diet pills, but some of them may not be legal. We don’t judge (coughs). Here are your options:

The Legal Way

  • Buy From a Local Drugstore
  • Purchase Online from a Reputable Pharmacy

The Gray Area…

Be careful here, nothing like what’s about to happen was ever shown on the show Friends!

  • Buy it From Your Gym Friend… you know, the one with veins popping out of his forehead
  • Ask Some Random Stressed and Sleep Deprived Student Who Has Contacts in Underground Labs (Uh oh!)

Step 4: Never Order Diet Pills Off Illegal Websites … Or Maybe You Did.

Okay so let me make this clear – ordering diet pills off illegal websites is like playing Russian Roulette with your health! And we all know how that ended for Kurt Cobain. However if you really are persistent in choosing this option, here’s what I suggest:

  1. Consult with multiple online sellers and go through their customer reviews carefully (if there aren’t any then congratulations again mate, you found yourself an exotic vendor)…
  2. Choose vendors that offer cash-on-delivery payment methods because providing details of your credit card could lead to identity theft or worse…
  3. Ensure that they provide discrete packaging which means no designs featuring unicorns or Pikachu sticking its tongue out…

In my opinion though, don’t do it.

Step 5: Know What You’re Getting Yourself Into

Even though getting those darned magical tablets isn’t rocket science (the Chinese have been producing fireworks even before Galileo discovered gravity after all), there are still some things you should bear in mind when using them:

Overdosing is Quite Possible

More does not mean better pal! Don’t overdose on these pills since most of them carry potentially hazardous ingredients (just like Joker carries an evil smile).

They Won’t Do Magic

Throwing some pills down your throat won’t miraculously turn you into a world-class athlete with ripped six-pack abs. They may help in weight loss but only if used alongside proper exercise and balanced diet.

Beware of the Side Effects!

In certain cases, diet pills can make you experience side effects like:

  • Diarrhea
  • Constipation
  • Vomiting
  • Insomnia
  • Partial memory loss (aka re-watch movies completely forgetting what happens next)

You don’t wanna end up crying while watching Lion King!

Step 6: Get Creative With It

Are you still hesitant about using diet pills? I get it – we’re all skeptical of things that promise quick fixes to life’s problems (except cotton candy). But whether you choose to go the natural or synthetic way for weight loss, here are some fun ways to make light of yourself throughout the journey:

Name Your Pills

It’s always good calling things by name. We’ve got Bennie and Mary-Jane for aspirin and Tylenol so why not give your diet pill a quirky nickname? Having a sense of humor will reduce any anxiety or guilt, plus every time someone asks, “What’s with the funny name?” You can tell them that’s how they roll!

Example: My friend named his appetite suppressant ‘The Hulk’ because its color was green (no wonder he lost so much weight)

Share Memes About Diet Pills Online

We’ve all chuckled at Twitter memes featuring grumpy cats and tired wombat babies right? Well same applies for sharing hilarious content related to our daily struggles trying to lose those stubborn pounds. Who knew laughing at Shia Labeouf telling us just do it could motivate one into actually doing it?

Example: A meme showing Thor saying “This is my hammer made from Mjolnir” and tagging it under the label ‘Thermal Fat Burner’

Reward Yourself with Cheat Days

Nobody’s perfect right? You’re allowed to indulge in a piece of cake or two every once in a while. Guilt only brings unwanted stress which can hinder your progress (no need for wasted time). Just let loose and enjoy life!

Example: Tell yourself that after losing 10 pounds you’ll treat yourself with Taco Bell (for real this one isn’t even sarcastic).

Conclusion

In conclusion, getting diet pills might be considered an easy route towards attaining weight loss goals but there are many ways to keep things interesting throughout the journey. Name those funky pills, share memes about them online, reward yourselves with cheat days – change doesn’t have to be all gloomy (just like how Taylor Swift changed from country music into pop stuffs-tho thats subjective).

That being said though, nothing beats proper exercise and careful moderation over what we eat. We don’t want Jurassic Park-like toxicology raising its head do we? After all your body is temple bro! As much as funny things during using those magical tablets could bring some meaning into this often mundane process consider wisely before jumping down that rabbit hole.

(Word count – 1613)

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