How do you have a bowel movement with a catheter?

If you’re reading this article, chances are that you’ve found yourself in an uncomfortable situation. You may be wondering how to have a bowel movement when you have a catheter in place. Fear not, dear reader! I am here to guide you through this murky and malodorous process.

What is a catheter?

Before we dive into the nitty-gritty of pooping with a plastic tube up your urethra, let’s first discuss what exactly a catheter is. A catheter is essentially just a medical device inserted through the urethra and into the bladder for drainage purposes. It can be used for short-term or long-term management of urinary problems.

Some common reasons for having a catheter include:

  • Urinary retention
  • Incontinence
  • Surgery requiring anesthesia

The problem at hand

Alrighty then, so now onto the main event – how do we poop with one of these bad boys hanging out in our delicate bits?

The thing about having a catheter is that it can interrupt your typical bathroom routine quite drastically. Typically, when we need to urinate or defecate, our body sends signals down below notifying us when it’s time. We then proceed accordingly by visiting the porcelain throne and doing our business.

However, if there’s already something wedged up there taking care of urine removal duties (i.e., your trusty little cath), things get complicated fast.

Step 1: Prepare thyself!

Before embarking on any bowel movements whilst sporting one of these babies down south (I know I personally like to call mine “Gerald”), make sure everything down below has been properly secured – nope; not talking about chastity belts here but making use of methylene blue dye tests/antibiotics so as avoid possible infection(s).

Step 2: Loosen up!

So, now that you’re sure everything down in your nether regions is safe and secure, it’s time to get things moving! First of all, I must reiterate the importance of relaxing. You need to be able to relax those sphincter muscles if you have any chance at a successful BM.

Daydream about your favourite holiday destination (I heard Tuscany is lovely this time of year), inhale deep lungfuls of calming essential oils or listen to some jazz fusion simply put; do whatever it takes for your body and mind to enter “peace mode” while accommodating transit through bowel movements.

Step 3: Squat like a champ

Now onto the tricky bit – actually getting that pesky poop out.

Normally, when we’re not catheterised our bowels work best in what’s called the “squat position”. This refers to having your legs elevated slightly off the ground whilst flexing/folding your torso into an approximately squat-like pose.

If balancing issues are a potential problem then worry not as there are inventive methods just for people such as yourself including well placed rails/bars positioned directly in front that can provide added support especially useful during depositions with those on wheelchairs or other mobility-compromising conditions/ailments.

When it comes time for #2-ing though (and trust me, when it comes; you know), things will likely feel very different depending on how large or small – Super Size Big Mac size… .(Can’t help but crave burgers )- enough said right?!

To cut this short – spread apart Gerald’s intimate buddy parts using one hand while leaning forward until his big brown ugly head appears from his hiding place within safe viewing range. Although this information may seem grossly overt rather than subtly informative unfortunately sparing details isn’t exactly my strongest suit here folks.

Tips and Tricks

Okay, so hopefully you’ve made it through the initial hurdle of popping a squat whilst catheterized. However, there are still a few tips and tricks I can offer to make your life (and your bowel movements) as comfortable as possible.

Stay hydrated

First and foremost, stay hydrated! This will help ensure that things don’t get too dried out down below. Adequate water/intake of fluids/water-based drinks is crucial especially for those with certain disabilities e.gmultiple sclerosis where constipation is a primary symptom.

It’s best advised to limit unhealthy sugary carbonated/stimulant enriched beverages like Cola/Tonic Water or Caffeine – this may increase urge intensity overwhelming Gerald & co pushing toxins faster into one’s bladder thus causing accidents..

Adjust your eating habits

Secondly: adjust diet/exercise routine i.e., more fiber-rich foods such as vegetables/ fruits – Hey hold on now no; not another conversation on “how important fibre is” but consistent intake of high fibrous meals can dramatically enhance easier excretion rather than sticking enema tubes god forbid!

Lastly – if you’re feeling particularly backed up or “bunged up”, speak with GP/Midwife about using appropriate laxatives based on our symptoms since individuals stools vary significantly depending upon their glucose/lipid profiles.

Conclusion

In conclusion folks, I know that these kinds of issues probably aren’t something most people enjoy talking about (I mean let’s be honest, who wakes up thinking “gee whiz, today seems like an excellent day for discussing my BM woes!”) However; remember,the silver lining here lies in knowing we’re all humans , just different plumbing systems.

Having the need to have an urologic intervention by means of having a catheter isn’t recreational – nor the most fun handling sanitary wise BUT trust me when I say hygiene combined with relaxation techniques(all included above) will prove transformative in ensuring optimal quality of life. Conclusively, I hope this article provided some light-hearted humor and comfort (if not a few giggles) on this serious medical topic!

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