How do you get chronic fatigue syndrome?
Are you tired of feeling energetic and happy? Do you crave physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion? Well then, my dear friend, you may have stumbled upon the right article. Welcome to a world where chronic fatigue syndrome is the new black.
In this comprehensive guide geared towards hypochondriacs and malingerers alike, we will explore what chronic fatigue syndrome is (or isn’t), how it manifests itself in your body/mind/spirit/aura/chakra system/insert obscure reference here, as well as tips on how to fully embrace this lifestyle choice because let’s face it – getting out of bed before noon can be such a drag!
What Even Is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?
Let’s get one thing straight: the medical community might tell you that CFS or ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) is a debilitating condition characterized by persistent exhaustion that cannot be explained by other underlying health conditions. But what do they know anyway? Let us break down why chronic fatigue syndrome really holds value:
- It gives people with minimal symptoms credence!
- You become part of a unique club(?)
- You’ll never run out of excuses when solicited for activities
So congrats! By achieving CFS non-status status, you are legitimized in your experiences.
Now comes the fun part – recognizing all those delightful signs that indicate permanent lethargy could be yours for keepsies. Symptoms of CFS include:
- Unrefreshing sleep
- Physical pain or discomfort
- Brain fog
- Loss of memory
- Headaches/hypersensitivity to lights/sounds/smells/everything aroundS
But wait — there’s more! In true infomercial fashion i.e. short sentences followed by an explanation nobody asked for interested parties should note additional possible symptoms:
- Sore throat
- Swollen lymph nodes in your neck or armpit
- Unexplained muscle soreness and weakness
- Joint pain without swelling or redness
Fret not as there are varying degrees of severity one can claim to have. You can be hardly affected by the symptoms OR need round-the-clock supervision — it’s all up to you!
Steps Towards Achieving CFS Status
So what are the next steps? It may seem like a daunting task but we’ve rounded up some helpful tips on how to unlock that energy-drained, fatigue-filled lifestyle you’re craving.
1. Ignore Your Physical Health
Your physical health is overrated anyways! That gym membership just takes away precious couch time, those vegetables just get in the way of ordering fast food at McDonald’s and who needs sunlight when Reddit provides much better vitamin D content (sorry if sunscreen oxidized your joke)?
Make sure you neglect schedules check-ups/dental appointments/annual blood workups for maximum effect.
2. Embrace Insomnia
An easy way to acquaint yourself with chronic weariness is sleep deprivation! What fun accentuated by events such as staring tiredly into nothingness aimlessly scrolling through Tik tok late night edition, down copious amount coffee jugs & constant screaming+dark circles under eyes !
You don’t even have to wake up early/sleep earlier, let alone abandon bedtime snacks.
3. Expose Yourself to Stressful Situations
Stress brings out lots of good things – anxiety, depression and continual exhaustion being our top picks
But why limit yourself? Indulge in toxic relationships or dead-end careers! Feel free to simultaneously dwell on negative experience/events/future outcomes anytime – after all they say idle mind is the devil’s playground which surely doesn’t exist.
4. Neglect Your Mental Health
Taking care of mental health is too mainstream. Why get expensive help when you’re an expert in bottling up all bottled-up emotions and shoving them deep down where they belong!
5. Immobilize Yourself
Ahh, the art of doing nothing – now that’s relaxation! Be sure to resist any urge to be active or complete tasks that are crucial towards being considered an effective human.
Get addicted to your bed/couch/floor mat; embrace the act of procrastination!
In conclusion, achieving CFS status has never been easier (or harder). By neglecting your physical health, embracing insomnia/stress-inducing situations/neglectable mental state –You’re already half-way there!
No longer do you have to indulge in long walks with fresh air scarring out greener earthlings by exuding envy every time… No more will over-enthusiastic social interactions reinvigorate depleted energy levels/ force uncomfortable smiles on faces –instead just follow this ultimate guide on How To Achieve Chronic Fatigue Syndrome And Live Your Best Life®.
Disclaimer: This article intends satire instead of medical advice & does not sum up real lived experiences towards chronic fatigue syndrome.