Having feelings for someone you can t have?

You know the feeling. That burning desire to be with someone who you just can’t seem to have. Maybe it’s a coworker, maybe it’s a friend, or maybe it’s even someone who is already in a committed relationship. Whatever the case may be, having feelings for someone you can’t have can be one of the most frustrating and bittersweet experiences that life has to offer.

The Human Dilemma

As humans, we are wired for connection and intimacy. We crave love and affection like fish crave water. But unfortunately, sometimes we find ourselves wanting what we cannot have.

It’s like going to an amazing restaurant but they don’t serve your favourite dish!

Or worse: one of my friends actually had his drink spiked on purpose during his bachelor party so he wouldn’t end up marrying the woman he’d been obsessed with all throughout college – because no matter how hard he tried –she wasn’t interested!!

Why Do We Develop Unrequited Love?

There could be various possible reasons why people take such paths:

  • Perhaps that person embodies qualities which resonate exceptionally well with us at our core
  • Maybe they remind us of somebody from our past whom we’ve admired deeply
  • It’s also likely that some folks experience lingering thoughts about growing old alone whilst observing potential companions lock down their chosen significant others.
  • A few people simply want what they perceive as “forbidden,’’ making them more attracted than ever before.

Whatever the reason might be behind developing feelings for someone unattainable – there’s always this unwavering hope simmering beneath everything; a seemingly inexplicable yearning buried under layers of attemptive rationalization explaining away negativity “But boss didn’t promote me because she found out I was crushing on her? Nah…”

What Are Some Reasons People Can’t Be Together?

There are probably thousands of different reasons why two people might not be able to be together, ranging from geographical distance and social differences to moral disagreements or even simple timing. One of the most common reasons that we see in today’s society is that one person is already in a committed relationship with someone else – and as they say: “you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

It happens:

  • You attend classes with this person day-in-day-out but there is always little time for a chat
  • They could also have just ended their own long-term relationship leaving them emotionally unavailable
  • Perhaps it’s clear that both parties are seeking very different things out of life
  • Maybe you’ve always wanted kids while he wants dogs

No matter what the reason might be – it still stings like hell

The Art of Moving On

The fear of experiencing pain often prevents us from truly living & giving our all.

Trying to shake off feelings for somebody whom we’ve developed an unquenched liking towards feels almost impossible; given how much importance these emotions hold over us. Since falling out of love isn’t one-size-fits-all – each needs its unique approach to healing

Some tips which worked for my friend when she realized her breakup wasn’t mutual:

Tip Practical Example
Grieve first When anyone experiences profound loss such as death, divorce – grief must precede moving on. It’s healthier than starting anew without acknowledging your sense of hurt
Avoid dwelling unnecessarily Distract yourself by taking up new hobbies/modalities e.g., hiking, bird watching or engage into activities involving self-expression e.g working on art/craft project etc
Zero-contact rule: If possible cut off every channel where reminders seep through frequently affecting daily productivity/ confidence levels i.e block them entirely @ phone/email/social media
Open-up: Go confide in somebody you trust; someone who is emotionally available and can tolerate strong feelings around your struggles.

Making a proactive effort to move on doesn’t mean it’s going to be less difficult or hurtful.

She still thinks about her ex-partner every day of the week, but now she has begun moving forward in life again.

Silver Lining: It’s Better To Have Loved Than Never At All

But while having feelings for someone you can’t have can feel like torture at times, there is always something positive to gain from the experience as well. For one, it teaches us that we are capable of feeling deeply and passionately (even if only unrequited)– which is an amazing gift that not everyone gets to experience.

Here are some other benefits you might not have thought of:

  • It builds our sense of perseverance & maturity
  • Learning how to handle emotions effectively
  • Understanding boundaries
  • Giving yourself permission from time-to-time to express what’s bothering without falling-bombarding them with messages!
  • Developing over time a nuanced view of personhood/relationship/personal desires

Making Peace With Your Expectations

Coming around into accepting that the “one” does not exist physically represents years of shattered hopes—however—it also leaves room for coming across affectionate folks whom complement & create stable relationships reaffirming their love for each other over and over again through commonly-held values/strengths.

Something great could come down all along. Just be open-minded!

Revising Your Self Care Level-ups

Only when emotions run deep do they leave behind a broken heart if reciprocated towards people who never came back!

You’d then likely lose your footing- resulting in activities being gamified accordingly such as binge drinking/eating unhealthy processed foods stopping communication altogether? High vulnerability periods must direct focus by lovingly taking care largely outpourings towards oneself including eating whole foods, working-out at your own pace interest-based activities along with good sleep hygiene as a way of being kind towards oneself through harsh days. Life is not just about matters of the heart.

Is It Possible To Handle Feelings For Someone You Can’t Have?

The answer would be both Yes & No – reason being if we’re honest with ourselves; there will always be feelings to some degree or another that remain buried beneath layers of forgetful noise for years. The intensity may fade but given an unexpected trigger such as seeing their name come up in your phone book can bring reminders back into immediate view.

Do’s & Don’ts

When handling emotions that feel almost impossible to contain, here are some definite Do’s and Don’ts:


  • Keep yourself busy by taking up new hobbies/interests/modalities
  • Rediscover old passions/skills/crafting items which get you on road leading forward
  • Reach out to friends whom you trust confiding in openly regarding what bothers them without overwhelming them entirely over time;


  • Falling-bombarding person-in-mind with messages-which risk sounding irritable/unlovable /considerate!
  • Staying too hooked onto things remind us specifically painful memories/recalling events frequently (e.g., gifts/handwritten notes)

The less you try indomitably suppressing feelings inside by looking for stop-gap solutions/running away until it all dissipates from memory -the better.

It’s OK To Move On

Remember: “It’s okay!!”

We’re human after-all capable of feeling intense love so much so that sometimes, forces outside our control might prevent us from turning warm affection into successful romance! Recognizing when it high-time enabling continuous growth worthwhile sooner rather than later should become part-of-the-process!

Keep hope alive but continue mostly living around the present moment without paying attention solely to future possibilities!

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