Ensure when sick?

We’ve all been there. You wake up with a stuffy nose and a headache, and you just know it’s going to be “one of those days”. Before you even step out of bed, your mind is already racing through the infinite possibilities that await you: should I call in sick? What excuse should I use this time? Do I have enough leftover soup in the fridge?

Spoiler alert: yes, calling in sick is always the right option. But how do you ensure maximum laziness when sick? Fear not my fellow germ-ridden souls because we’ve got all the tips and tricks for how to make being under-the-weather work for YOU.

Step 1 – We Establish Your Excuse:

First things first, let’s establish what illness or ailment has struck us down recently. There are many excuses at our disposal — from classic colds and flus to more exotic ailments such as dysentery or scurvy (please don’t actually try these at home) — but finding the perfect one can be an art form. Here are some tried-and-tested favorites:

The Classic Cold

Ah, nothing screams “I’m too lazy to function” quite like an old-fashioned common cold! The symptoms are relatively mild but irritating enough that they’ll satiate any concerns about working while simultaneously ensuring maximum laziness when sick.

The Fabled Migraine

we’ve said it before: if you’re gonna fake something then go big; well…not so big as faking cancer.
A migraine is perfect for those who want to convince their boss that they’re beyond functioning while still sounding professional.
Pro tip,“add vomiting into your explanation” (disgusting right?)

A Stomach Bug/ Food poisoning

Both stomach bugs or food poisoning seem difficult for anyone willing To check on you physically or bring you urgent tasks for work-related issues as they are disgusting and hard to fake.
Feel free to be little dramatic about the situation, so it doesn’t appear desperate.

Doctor’s Orders

Simply say your doctor has advised rest – sounds too professional for any further questions.

Step 2 – Questions:

Whether by text or phone call, Your Boss/bosses will send those quick messages checking in with you periodically throughout the day which incidentally can be used to an advantage. How? Below is how:

  • “How are You feeling today?”//just a straight forward question

    • If things aren’t improving: “I think I’m getting worse.” That’ll shut down follow-up considerations swiftly.
    • Feeling well enough that they might expect something from us: “I’ve been struggling with nausea all morning … hopefully some more sleep will help.”
  • “Do we need anything from You Today?” //should be cautious here…with great powers come greater responsibilities.
    An honest answer may prompt them into wanting work done over email on our “day off”. But never fear my friends!

  • Another option could simply deny missing out much due to yesterday’s lethargies(?).

Step 3 – Make Sure You Look The Part:

For maximum efficiency don’t bother dressing up — embrace casual attire/full blown PJ outfit (nothing fulfills self-care like matching lounge-wear) – this proper clothing also reduces energy expansion.

Pro tip #1| Keep the Heating On!|
Nothing says ‘illness’ quite like shivering under blankets while displaying flu-like symptoms;
Don’t forget It gives one a vital level of authenticity as instant sweats/grimaces at random intervals would secure essentials such as throwing tantrums when new errands are require let alone becoming mentally distressed by general daily routines.

Step 4 – Never underestimate bribery

Of course, we would never suggest anything under handed. But whisper the words ‘DOCTOR’S NOTE’ and pause for dramatic effect.
This well-placed utterance always succeeds in dissuading pesky co-workers from pursuing us with their relentless requests.

Pro Tip #2 | Strengthen Your Credibility |
Thinking of a secondary plan?
In that case, it’s time to provide evidence-based support to strengthen our plight towards genuine credibility
Give out hints on which hospitals or physicians are most knowledgeable those illness–this will produce more sympathy.

Step 5 – Practice Restraint:

Step away from emails, Replying instantaneously sparks questions such as “you’re working??” If repose is selected Then We’ll attain maximum peace (aka Laziness), this means binging on favourite TV series’, reading memoirs or playing video games all day.

Pro tip #3 | Investigation
Instead of responding at once during business hours; make them wait until evening times when they don’t expect us(May your excuses/comments last forever)

Keeping things honest and professional while maximizing leisure time takes strategy coupled with tactics. utilize these tried-and-tested tips for ensuring ultimate laziness while sick… because let’s face it: the world can survive without you today

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