Can you be friends with someone you cheated with?

So, you cheated. Whether it was a one-time thing or a full-blown affair, the fact remains: you betrayed your partner’s trust. And now that the dust has settled and they’ve (hopefully) forgiven you, there’s just one question left to ask: can you still be friends with the person you cheated with?

The Short Answer

Nope. Absolutely not. End of article.

…Kidding! But if only it were that simple. The truth is, whether or not you can be friends with your former fling depends on a variety of factors – from the severity of the cheating to individual personalities and values.

Let’s Talk About Cheating

Before we delve into whether friendship is possible post-cheating, let’s take a moment to define what we mean by “cheating.” Because let’s face it: different people have different definitions.

For some folks, cheating means anything from flirting with someone who isn’t their partner to having sex outside of their relationship without telling their significant other at all.

Others require more flagrant evidence, such as catching your partner in bed with someone else while listening to Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell (or whatever sexy tunes are popular these days).

Bonus Points for Using Protection!

There are also those out there – perhaps few and far between – who don’t feel like ___ counts as cheating unless protection wasn’t used (“Wait so using two condoms instead of one doesn’t count?”).

But no matter how lax or strict your view on fidelity may be, the basic fact remains: cheating involves deception and betrayal of trust – something most people agree makes it pretty hard to maintain a healthy friendship afterwards.

Hey Jealousy…

Another crucial factor when it comes to being friends after infidelity is jealousy (no surprise there!). Even though you may feel like the cheating is in the past, your partner – or ex-partner – may struggle with intense feelings of insecurity and distrust.

Think about it: you’ve already violated their trust once. While they might want to give you another chance, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be cool with watching you hang out with someone who was involved in such a emotionally devastating situation.

Custody Battle Over Friends

With some couples (particularly those who have kids together), there’s often custody battles over mutual friends after a breakup. Maybe one of them feels more comfortable hanging out solo while the other wants to maintain group outings. Adding infidelity into the mix can make negotiations even messier.

But We Get Along So Well!

Okay okay, we know what you’re thinking: “But wait! I cheated on my current partner with someone I really get along well with! They totally understand me in ways my SO just can’t!”

And hey – we don’t doubt that chemistry between two people is real (even if it is built on lies). However… there are comparable fish in the sea (that aren’t gaslighters).

In fact, ending things amicably and moving forward might actually make both parties stronger than ever before.

But what’s this strange sorcery?

Making new memories without letting jealousy crawl into conversations can create something serial cheaters very easily forget exists:

Love and Friendship Without Other Motives behind It.

Just think of all the amazing people out there waiting for their shot at being your friend!

In Conclusion…

To sum up:

  • Cheating has betrayed factors which makes friendship difficult
  • Jealousy will remain a factor
  • Similar connections exist minus deceitful acts
  • Finding new friends isn’t as impossible as perceived

So before making plans to go mini-golfing or brunch-ing with your former fling turned buddy, consider the above factors (or just don’t cheat). In the end, every relationship is different – so what works for one couple may not work for another.

But always remember: if there’s a will to maintain friendship, sometimes holding back and letting go of that broken past can lead to something far greater than trying to repair things with your current partner or chasing former flames.

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