The Mad Rollin' Dolls Season Opener took place last Saturday at Fast Forward Skate Center. The first bout had last year's champions the Quad Squad taking on number two team, The Reservoir Dolls. The second bout featured the Vaudeville Vixens against the Unholy Rollers. Not only were both bouts worth applauding, but so was the audience-- as the MC's took time to congratulate us for drinking 40 cases of Pabst in 40 minutes.

Get your tickets early if you plan on experiencing what one women exclaims is, "the best way to spend ten bucks." Tickets typically sell out in advance with 100 left available at the door the day of. A crowd packs the front of Fast Forward before 6 p.m., waiting with chairs in hand for prime seating. The energy is already flowing before the doors even open. Imagine roller derby as the second life that lady you think you know hides from you. Get a little jealous, 'cause when you get upset you just eat a pint of ice cream. Or drink multiple pints. Just think that the smile on her face could be there because of last night's ass kicking. You could be the couple there supporting their day care provider. The parent who can't wait to bring your 17-year old daughter. The audience member who drank the most Pabst.

The first bout had last year's top teams facing off. The superhero-sequel Quad Squad entered the rink proudly displaying history as they pump the trophy that has been in their possession since winning last year's championship. The mannequin leg is reminiscent of A Christmas Story, except instead of being topped off by a lampshade it is bottomed off by a gold skate, complete with knee pad and a fishnet calf saluting the sky. In the vein of cabaret, the white button-down shirt, black tie wearing Reservoir Dolls made a fun first impression skating out in masks, including a large Elmo. As skater introductions took place during the introductory lap, the masks were ripped off. The Quad Squad put up a good fight, but not enough to secure a win for the season opener. Reservoir Dolls wook away a victory of 74 to 56.

The second bout had the brown-and-pink coordinated Vaudeville Vixens taking on the red-and-sightly Unholy Rollers. It was hard to keep straight where the fouls were falling in each jam. The penalties happened so quickly and frequently, and the MC's were muffled by mic distortion or crowd applause. Only one fight broke out this night, but the penalty box saw its fair share of action. Proud fouls taken by all, Vaudeville took the win of the second bout, 63 to 39.

The half time show featured "Celtic martial arts with a twist" as the Knights of the Blue Rose showed a tame version of choreographed death. Their sword show was a nice break from the fast paced jams. Their full armor and sword fighting was sandwiched between the Dolls' real pain and pleasure, hard falls, quick recoveries and a testimony to how far going around in circles can really take you.

The after parties takes place at the High Noon Saloon-- save your ticket stub and get in for free. Get there early though -- the High Noon was at max capacity at 11:30 this time.

The Dolls' get little more than two weeks to let those bruises heal. The next bout happens February 3. Plan in advance and order tickets on-line or pick them up at one of Madison's supporting local businesses like The High Noon Saloon or Lakeside Printing.