City Council Bowls Away the Mayor's Office

Warning: If you don’t like either bowling or local politics and politicians, you won’t want to read this! Even if you like bowling or politics, be forewarned, the two don’t mix so well because the bad analogies are excruciatingly, painfully, endless.

This morning at the Annual City Bowling Tournament, the Mayor’s Office took on the City Council.

Bowling for the Mayor’s team were Mayor Dave Cieslewicz, “Jeanne Hoffman”, “Janet Piraino”, Enis Ragland and “George Twigg”. Though during the 2nd game there were at least three suspicious looking characters bowling under the names Hoffman, Piraino and Twigg and while the real Hoffman and Twigg returned for the third game, Piraino was out with an injury.

Bowling for the Council Team were Lauren “The Snare” Cnare, myself, Larry “Tipsy Blower” Palm, Austin “Turn it Around” King and Jed “Return of the Jedi” Sanborn.

Despite the Mayor Office’s obvious attempts to throw the game in their favor by resting up and saving their energy during game two and sending in their reserves, the Council team scored a total of 1808 pins over the Mayor Office’s mere 1693. Additionally, we knocked down more pins in each of the games as well. Full scores below:

Lauren Cnare 116 85 103 =304
Brenda Konkel 128 121 124 =373
Larry Palm 138 138 123 =399
Austin King 95 130 123 =348
Jed Sanborn 147 140 97 =384
Totals 624 614 570 =1808

Dave Cieslewicz 77 139 121 =337
"Jeanne Hoffman" 67 97 111= 275
"Janet Piriano" 117 109 85 =311
Enis Ragland 173 154 105 =432
"George Twigg" 164 81 93 =338
Totals 598 580 515= 1693

(I double checked the math by the Mayor’s Office even tho one of the suspicious looking characters who bowled on their team looked like the City’s Fiscal Efficiency Auditor)

I had warned the Council team ahead of time that Enis was the guy to watch and we decided that Larry “Tipsy Blower” Palm was in charge of getting Enis drunk. Unfortunately, Larry shirked his duties and allowed Enis to get the high score of 173 during the first game. After that, I took over and had to go get Enis a bloody mary myself. We eventually worked him down to a 105, but clearly he was the outstanding bowler of the day between the two teams.

However, best form, definitely went to Lauren “The Snare” Cnare. You had to see it to believe it. Tho Jeanne Hoffman, when she was actually herself, definitely deserved an honorable mention despite the fact that she appears to have been “the drag” on the team. Several folks also remarked that Austin “Turn it Around” King definitely got the award for most style.

When Larry “Tipsy Blower” Palm got a multiple 7-10 splits due to his tendency towards the middle and was forced to make a life decision, he consistently made the correct choice and went to the left. However, as I pointed out that he was naturally better when he went to the left as he continued to be successful in knocking over the 7 pin, Jed “Return of the Jedi” Sanborn made sure to point out that while all the left had been knocked over, the pin on the far right was still standing.

We had a little problem with Lauren “The Snare” Cnare who apparently could only bowl when Enis Ragland (who’s dad was rumored to be a semi-pro bowler) reminded her to bowl. It was beginning to make me nervous that she couldn’t do anything without the mayor’s office telling her to and I tried to convince her that she didn’t need the mayor’s office to help her.

I bowled better than usual (not that I bowl that often) and had no problem knocking over the pins on the right with ease despite the tendency for my ball to go to the left. In over-correcting I frequently left the far left 7-pin standing. I eventually perfected the “Cieslewicz bounce” and was able to knock out the 7-pin. The “Cieslewicz bounce” is a technique where when he threw a ball in the left gutter, it pretty regularly bounced back on to the lane to knock over the 7 pin.

I noticed that the Council Team had several bloody mary’s and pitchers of beer, the Mayor’s Office team was primarily drinking soda – except for the bloody mary’s we encouraged Enis to drink. Perhaps the Mayor’s team felt restricted because one of the suspicious looking characters looked quite a bit like the Downtown Alcohol Coordinator, so perhaps they all had to be on their best behavior? Or maybe it was that some part of the Mayor’s “Fit City” initiative?

However, on the Council side of the lanes, at some point a very hung over Austin “Turn It Around” King was forced to ask which beers belonged to whom on the table and none of us could answer the question. Somehow, we still managed to kick the Mayors Office’s ass. (Actually, I literally tried to kick the Mayor’s ass!)

The mayor and his team were gracious in defeat. The Mayor shook our hands and despite the mayor’s proclamation of “I love this game” after a good frame in the second game, when asked what he had to say about being trounced by the Council he said he was considering a veto. Twigg, his communications director quickly reminded him that they didn’t like to talk publicly about vetoes. Larry “Tipsy Blower” Palm chimed in reminding the mayor that he didn’t have line item veto.

Next event? Lauren Cnare was lobbying us to do a croquet match against the mayor’s office. I was thinking perhaps Sloshball?

Notes: No I wasn't drunk when I wrote this. You'll have to ask Larry about his nickname, it comes from an unfortunate typo. And surprisingly enough, Jed didn't ask for any do-overs.