Coming off of a week that was, to say the least, polly wolly crappy, my only expectation for Thursday night was to get a couple of drinks in me and hang out with my good pal Schabow. And also, you know, see some band called Bang Camaro at the Annex. Little did i know, I was about to witness one of the greatest, most rocking, jaw-dropping, metal experiences of my life. No, I'm serious. Totals serious.

Maybe it was the eleven - for real, eleven - stout men on stage, seven of whom were only there to sing. Or maybe it was all the fist pumping, or the sea of devils horns in the air, or the real live head banging on stage. Or, I don't know, maybe it was all the booze a little bit. Whatever the cause, the result was an incredibly grand conclusion:

Metal is the greatest thing ever.

Metal will save the world.

This band...this was THE BAND, man! This guy right here! Yeah! It was like some dude gathered up a bunch of friends and their little brothers and a couple of neighbors (what a mötley crüe of characters they were!), and got up on a stage, and all of a sudden they were this spectacular band who all sing at the same time and play songs reminiscent of 80s hair metal! Am I in heaven? Absolutely. I mean, usually what wins me over is music with tons of vocal harmonies and bands that aren't total sausage fests. Bang Camaro was the exact opposite; a total sausage fest, all singing the exact same vocal line all at the same time. And I effing loved it.

I'll be honest. I cannot say that I remember any of the lyrics, or any "sweet guitar licks," or really even how long they played for...because none of that mattered. What mattered was this: Bang Camaro can get an entire room of people to clap their hands above their heads in unison. Bang Camaro makes people want to get naked. Bang Camaro leaves me slightly hungover, which is a difficult state to be in whilst riding the Van Galder bus outside Janesville and trying to write this on a McDonald's paper napkin. Most importantly, what matters is that Bang Camaro said this:

"Ladies, lose your shirts. Guys, lose your minds."

And lose my shirt I did. What a sexy night. Totals sexy.